You're Unhappy But Your Partner Is Fine—What Can You Do?


You're Unhappy But Your Partner Is Fine—What Can You Do?
Are you tired of talking to your partner about your relationship when he doesn't see the problem?

A second way to change the situation is to change yourself in the situation. Instead of threatening, nagging, bribing or complaining, you might want to try being more supportive by listening to his perspective on the situation. You may never agree with his viewpoint, but simply attempting to understand how he sees it can be an extremely helpful exercise.

Accept It:


Sometimes in relationships, when your partner does something that bothers you, it takes on the annoyance level of a chirping smoke detector low on its battery or a leaky water faucet when you are trying to fall asleep. Overall, these sounds are not such a major big deal. They are small blips on the radar screen of your life, however, given the right (or wrong) set of circumstances, they become major problems, taking on monumental importance in your relationship. However, with some objectivity, you realize for all the hundreds of things you love about your partner, this is just one thing you wish he’d change. If that’s the case, then acceptance might be your answer.

When you choose acceptance, you have to give up any anger, pain and resentment around the issue. You genuinely decide this is an issue that is no longer going to bother you. You may even look at it as your partner giving you an opportunity to practice patience, forgiveness, or unconditional love.

Leave It:

Your final option is to leave. Sometimes what you realize is you have found a deal breaker. If your partner won’t change and you can’t live with things the way they are, you may want to consider leaving. However, unless you are in physical danger, I usually recommend trying the other options first. Once you make the decision to leave, it’s difficult to rescind that decision.

But no matter the outcome, you have taken control of you and your own unhappiness instead of insisting your partner must change in order for you to be happy. Do you really want to be at the mercy of another person who doesn’t even recognize the source of your unhappiness as a problem? No, take back your life. Create your own peace and happiness. It’s not outside of you. It’s right within your grasp.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Kim Olver


Kim Olver, LCPC, has been featured in Whole Living, Women's World, Fitness Magazine and Counseling Today and is the best-selling, award winning author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life.

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Location: Country Club Hills (Chicago), IL
Credentials: LCPC, MS, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
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