So how do you get out of this downward spiral? First, understand that you have created this depressive behavior for a reason. This is not because I want you to blame yourself for the situation you are in. Of course not! You didn’t know you were doing this. How is it your fault? Don’t blame yourself. But now that you know, take full responsibility for your happiness. [To stay in touch with Kim, sign up for her free newsletter.]
If you are unhappy, you owe it to yourself to first ask for what you want. If that works, then you won’t have a need for the depression anymore. If your husband doesn’t make the change you request, and he may not because doing it the way he’s been doing has obviously worked for him in some way, then you might want to look at what you can do to create your own happiness.
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If you don’t get what you want, then accept, without anger or resentment, that your husband is doing what he needs to do to get his own needs met. His job after all is to meet his needs. Guess whose job it is to meet yours? That’s right! It’s your job. So now there are three and a half options left to you.
- You can change or adjust what you want.
- You can change your perception. So if you are telling yourself a story that your husband doesn’t love you enough, change your story.
- You can do something different.
- (or 3.5) As the Rolling Stones told us years ago, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” [For a more descriptive understanding of your needs, check out Kim’s free report on InsideOut Thinking]