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Is Your Relationship The Reason For Your Depression?

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Is Your Relationship The Reason For Your Depression?
It’s not your relationship. Want to know the real reason for your depression? Read on.

According to PsychCentral, new research finds that some people are better off not having a spouse than being in a poor relationship. Furthermore, people in bad relationships had more than double the risk of depression than those with the best relationships.


The interesting thing is that most of the psychological community would believe that you are depressed because your husband isn’t doing the things you want him to do or he is doing things you don’t want him to do. This means that he is completely responsible for your depression and the challenges in your relationship.

More from YourTango: How To Be Happy: It's An InsideOut Job

I’m going to say it a different way. Please bear with me until the end of this article because in the beginning, it might sound like I’m trying blaming you for your depression but that’s not what I’m doing. By the end of this article, you should understand your depression better and have a more empowered sense of what to do about it. [See Secrets of Happy Couples

Depression is not something that comes from outside circumstances. Depression is a behavior you generate in your best attempt to get something you want. When you are unhappy in your relationship, you use depression to help your husband see just how unhappy he is “making” you. Of course, he is not “making” you feel anything. You don’t like what he is doing so you use depression as your best attempt to control him to do what you prefer.

Do I actually think you are doing this with malice and forethought? Of course not! Women do not sit around and plot and plan to use depression to control people. This almost always occurs on a subconscious level.

InsideOut Empowerment, based on the legendary work of psychiatrist Dr. William Glasser, tells us that behavior is never reactive; it is always proactive created to help us get more of what we want. You are in a relationship. You aren’t happy because your relationship isn’t the way you’d hoped it would be. You have identified your husband’s behavior as the cause of this unhappiness. Your depression is a behavior your subconscious creates to help you get your husband to change.

More from YourTango: The Cheerios Commercial: Is Interracial Marriage Still Taboo?

All behavior has four components – actions, thinking, emotion and your body’s physiology. With depression, your actions are moping around, crying, withdrawing into yourself. Your thinking probably centers around how you wish your husband would just love you enough to give you what you want.  Of course, your emotional component is sadness. And if you have been depressed for a long time, your body’s physiology may include a reduction in serotonin, the chemical involved in “feeling good.”

Most psychiatrists believe that the body’s physiology gets out of whack first, creating this mental illness we call depression but what if it’s the other way around? What if . . . your actions and thinking over a prolonged period of time actually change your body’s chemistry? When you think you are in danger, your body creates adrenalin and cortisol. Why would you think it couldn’t also eat up your serotonin?

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Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Kim Olver

Speaker/Presenter

Kim Olver, LCPC, has been featured in Whole Living, Women's World, Fitness Magazine and Counseling Today and is the best-selling, award winning author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life.

Connect with Kim by signing up for her FREE InsideOut Relationship Advice Newsletter and receive a FREE recording about our Life Changing Process, InsideOut Empowerment and have access to FREE relationship assessments.

Check out new products that might be for you in my Webstore

Location: Country Club Hills (Chicago), IL
Credentials: LCPC, MS, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
Other Articles/News by Kim Olver:

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