Why You Should Never 'Reward' Your Boyfriend With Sex

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Why You Should Never 'Reward' Your Boyfriend With Sex
Sex should never be used to control someone in a relationship.

This study suggests that women are more likely to reward with sex than men. This makes sense because women know exactly what will make a man feel deprived. A man is more likely to reward a woman with romance and attention, since that is typically what women covet.

The one point of the study I disagree with is how 78 percent of respondents didn't think there was anything wrong with using sex as a reward. I believe those who said so are unaware of the long-term consequences of having to "work" for something that should be freely given without strings attached.

In my experience of talking to audiences around the world, I have not yet run into anyone who says they don't mind having sex dangled as a carrot for good behavior. Sure, a man is interested in sex. When it is offered in connection with an expectation, however, it doesn't feel right. Yes, he will likely perform to get the reward (sex), but how do you think he is feeling toward you? If you're attempting to control him through a sex reward, he isn't feeling particularly loving toward you.

Anytime anyone, male or female, is attempting to control the other person in their relationship, whether by an unwanted behavior or by rewarding a wanted one, they are running the risk of damaging that relationship. Many relationships will be able to sustain some of this kind of damage, but when it becomes a repeated behavior over time, the likelihood that you will remain together is reduced exponentially. Loving for no reason is one of the sexiest things you can do in a relationship. Have sex with your partner just because you love him, and you are grateful for his presence in your life. Besides, it can be fun, relaxing, and is a great stress reducer. Try it!

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Kim Olver

Speaker/Presenter

Kim Olver, LCPC, has been featured in Whole Living, Women's World, Fitness Magazine and Counseling Today and is the best-selling, award winning author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life.

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Location: Country Club Hills (Chicago), IL
Credentials: LCPC, MS, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
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