Want To Know What Makes a Happy Relationship?


Want To Know What Makes a Happy Relationship?
Balance is the key.

Another area that will require balance is the enjoyment need. We all have it but some of us need more of it than others. A person with a high need for enjoyment may be seen by his or her partner as someone who doesn’t take life very seriously and has never grown up. A person with a low enjoyment need can be viewed as someone who doesn’t know how to have fun and is overly serious. And sometimes with this enjoyment need, couples have similar need strengths but the way they choose to get this need met vary drastically. For example, one person may love going to parties, dancing and playing sports, while the other person prefers reading books, taking hikes in the woods or going fishing. 12 Tips For Improving Your Relationship [EXPERT]

How do couples achieve balance in these areas?


  • The first thing is to know their own needs and their preferences for how they meet those needs.
  • Then secondly, they want to understand as best they can, what their partner’s need strengths are and how that person prefers to get his or her needs met.
  • The third step is to recognize three important principles of InsideOut Empowerment.

           o The first is that the only person’s behavior anyone can control is their own.
           o The second is that every person is responsible for meeting his or her own needs. No one else can meet them for you.
           o The third is the sure way to create an unhappy or a miserable relationship is to attempt to get your partner to do things he or she doesn’t want to do or to agree to do things you really don’t want to do.

I know these ideas are simple and commonsense but their application is anything but common. These are the general reasons most people come to me for coaching. They are in an unhappy relationship being controlled by their partner or they are attempting to control their partner and sometimes even both!

When individuals understand what they need to be happy and pursue those things, they are being responsible as long as they are not deliberately attempting to hurt other people or to stop other people from doing what they need to do to pursue their own happiness. This is relatively easy when you are not part of a couple. Secrets of Happy Couples

However, when you are in a relationship, there is an added factor of wanting to help your partner get what he or she needs while you are pursing what you want for yourself. Sometimes you will prioritize what your partner wants, not begrudgingly, but because what you really want is for your partner to be happy that day. But make no mistake, your choices cannot “make” your partner happy or sad. That’s a choice they make.

You are ultimately responsible for creating your own happiness and getting your own needs met. In a wonderful relationship, this is recognized by each partner. You both accept each other exacatly as you are and encourage the other to do what he or she wants to do in the pursuit of balancing his or her needs.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Kim Olver


Kim Olver, LCPC, has been featured in Whole Living, Women's World, Fitness Magazine and Counseling Today and is the best-selling, award winning author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life.

Connect with Kim by signing up for her FREE InsideOut Relationship Advice Newsletter and receive a FREE recording about our Life Changing Process, InsideOut Empowerment and have access to FREE relationship assessments.

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Location: Country Club Hills (Chicago), IL
Credentials: LCPC, MS, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
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