The No Drama Break Up

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The No Drama Break Up
Breaking up doesn't have to be devastating, depressing or hateful when you remember the love.

If you want to end your relationship without drama, then your first step needs to be to recognize there is no bad guy. Both of you have been living your life in the way that best made you happy. When you learn there is something about the relationship that no longer makes you happy and you want to end it, do not spend time on blame. Simply decide this no longer works for you and prepare yourself to move on. Moving on means going forward without this relationship or changing the relationship to something you can accept.

Remember the love you once had for this person. Sometimes in your anger and hurt, you will be tempted to believe the love you felt wasn’t real. The whole relationship was a sham. This is simply not true. You can’t rewrite history just because you learned something you didn’t like. That doesn’t negate the fact that what you had and what you felt was real. Don’t allow negative emotions to take from you the benefit of the relationship you had. Simply remind yourself you had a wonderful relationship until things changed. Now that they are different, you will make some adjustments but your prior relationship was very positive for you while you were in it. Now it’s time to redefine it.

My favorite quote to remember when relationships end is one by Dr. Seuss, “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.” Whether you are moving on or your partner has made that decision and it isn’t what you want, don’t regret the past relationship or attempt to hold onto the future relationship when your partner doesn’t want to. Let the relationship transform into its next stage of relationship, whatever that will be and remain grateful for the relationship you had.

Whether you do this in reality or simply in your head, thank your partner for the time you had, for the lessons you learned and/or the gifts you received. Even when relationships end badly, there is always a lesson or gift to take from the situation. Let go of the anger, resentment and depression and hold onto the positive benefit.

Move forward in grace and light. Whenever you begin to feel the pain and anger, shift your thoughts to the benefits you received from this relationship. Let it go with dignity. Know that better things are ahead and you will get to them sooner rather than later when you can become a person of happiness, gratitude and love rather than sadness, fear and hate.
 

Article contributed by
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Kim Olver

Speaker/Presenter

Kim Olver, LCPC, has been featured in Whole Living, Women's World, Fitness Magazine and Counseling Today and is the best-selling, award winning author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life.

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Location: Country Club Hills (Chicago), IL
Credentials: LCPC, MS, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
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