In honor of Mother’s Day, one of the best gifts you can give your mother is the gift of your accurate perception of her. So often when it comes to our mothers, we tend to do one of two things . . . either put her up on a throne or pedestal or blame her for everything that’s wrong with our lives. She is either canonized or villainized, neither of which help us to have authentic relationships with our mothers.
Yes, mothers are mothers but they are humans and women first—neither perfect nor evil. Whatever your perception of your mother is, if it isn’t helping you have the kind of relationship with her that you want, consider changing it.
One of the things we do is make up stories about our life and the people in it. We assign values to other people’s motives that truly are just our best guest. We don’t know why another person does what he or she does but we convince ourselves that our perceptions are absolutely true. We can change them if we want. Just tell yourself a different story that helps you be more generous to yourself and others. 10 Ways To Improve Your Mental Health [EXPERT]
What if you didn’t get the best mother in the world? What if she would never win a mother of the year award? How do you handle it if your mother caused you great physical or psychological pain and may even continue to do so today? Can you forgive her? Can you see her as a woman first? Can you see her as someone with her own demons with which she is coping to the best of her ability? Can you see her as someone who did the absolute best she could under the circumstances with the information she had available to her at the time?
Why would you want to forgive your mother? I’m not saying you do and perhaps you don’t but while you hold onto this evil image of your mother, you aren’t just hurting her. Whenever we hold onto grudges for past wrongs, we are not allowing ourselves to heal. We stay linked to our past victimization and are unable to truly let go. The No Drama Break Up [EXPERT]
Forgiving your mother and being able to see her as a human being, a woman, with strengths and flaws doing the best she can, will help you heal and more forward. Whether or not you choose to have a relationship with her is up to you but at least let go of the emotions that are poisoning you even more than her. Is It Time To Spring Clean Your Life? [EXPERT]
I have run into many women and men who put their mothers up on a very tall pedestal from which the only way down is a terrible fall. When you view your mother as perfect, then you place a terrible burden on her.
If she is having a bad day, or would like to share something less than perfect with you, she won’t be able to for fear of shattering your faith in her. A mom on a pedestal knows that to allow her child to see her as human, with flaws and making mistakes, could cause that child to lose his or her hero.
This will never be an authentic relationship. Your mother has to work too hard to maintain the perfect image you have of her. Knowing The Difference: Healthy Or Dysfunctional? [EXPERT]
And imagine what happens when your mother does something to lose her sainted status. The infraction is blown way out of proportion because she did something you’d never think of woman of sainthood would ever do! Your disappointment is far greater than if you had a realistic perception of you mother in the first place.
Let your mother know she doesn’t need to be perfect. You understand she is a human, a woman, who has made mistakes and will likely continue to do so. You no longer need her to be perfect. You just want her to be herself. Your mom can still be your hero with the mistakes and flaws and it will free the two of you to have an authentic relationship now and forever more. What a great Mother’s Day gift to you both. 12 Tips For Improving Your Relationship [EXPERT]