Is Jealousy Destroying Your Relationship?


Is Jealousy Destroying Your Relationship?
What are the four causes of jealousy and what can you do about them?

Another form of jealousy comes from believing your partner belongs to you. When you have this mindset, there is no room for him to even speak to another woman. If he even glances another woman’s way, you are all over him, ostensibly keeping him in line.
The problem with this is that jealousy is never attractive. Whenever you accuse people of things they are not doing, you increase the chances they will do it just to spite you. After all, they are being punished as if they are guilty so why not do the crime?
If this is you, remember you do not own anyone. Your partner has free will and will be with you as long as he wants to and will leave you when he chooses. You can’t control him into living a life he doesn’t want to live. Remind yourself he will be more likely to stay connected to you if you are nice to him.

4. A Strong Belief that Things Should Never Change


Another root cause of jealousy is the belief that feelings should never change. You fell in love with your partner or spouse. You were compatible; you shared things; you may have had children together. Even though all that is true, sometimes things change. People can grow apart. You can meet someone who knocks you off your feet.

I’m not arguing the morality of this situation; I’m simply saying it can happen. When you are stuck in the belief that things should never change, particularly your feelings for each other, when they do change, you can become crazy jealous.

If this happens in your relationship, try really attaching yourself to Dr. Seuss’ quote, “Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.” Know that what you shared with your spouse or partner was very real and special for the time you shared it. When things change, accept the change gracefully. Jealousy will not help the situation.

Even if you can guilt him into staying with you, do you really want him to stay out of guilt and obligation rather than choice?

Jealousy is usually unwarranted. Let’s stop the suspicions and accusations. And even if there were a past incident that leads you to jealousy now, know you will never repair your relationship unless and until you are ready to truly forgive.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Kim Olver


Kim Olver, LCPC, has been featured in Whole Living, Women's World, Fitness Magazine and Counseling Today and is the best-selling, award winning author of Secrets of Happy Couples: Loving Yourself, Your Partner, and Your Life.

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Location: Country Club Hills (Chicago), IL
Credentials: LCPC, MS, NCC
Specialties: Communication Problems, Couples/Marital Issues, Empowering Women
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