What are the things you argue about? Where are the disagreements? The small resentments?
Do you argue over money? Will Money Ruin Your Relationship? [EXPERT] Are you fighting over sex? Do you have different ideas about how much time you should spend together and apart? Do you squabble over extended family and friends? Is one of you daring and reckless, while the other wants to play things safe? Does one of you want to be right all the time? Does one of you want to always be in control? Do you disagree about the fun activities in your life? The Dirty Dozen! Twelve Fatal Relationship Errors [EXPERT]
Couples may have conflict in many areas but do you know there is a simple explanation for the conflict? When looking for a life partner, it is a good idea to take a close look at your “Need Strength Profile,” based on my work with InisdeOut Empowerment. This simple assessment will assess where you and your partner are in terms of the five basic needs and help you determine what areas are compatible and what areas should generate discussion and possible compromise and negotiation. Why You Aren't Happily Ever After Anymore [EXPERT]
The free assessments at InsideOut Empowerment will provide a rudimentary understanding of where you are with regard to the five basic human needs of InsideOut Empowerment—connection, survival, significance, freedom and enjoyment. If you are seeking compatibility in a relationship, you and your partner can both take this assessment and then discuss your results based on the rest of this article.
The first need is called connection. It is the need that determines how much time and intimacy with others you require. Generally speaking, relationships work best when you have equivalent strengths of the connection need. This is the need that will help you determine as a couple how much time you spend together and how much time is needed apart. Loving sex and romance is another aspect of this need, as are extended family and friends.
The second of the five basic needs is survival. This is so much more than just the need to physically survive, although that is part of it. It is also the psychological need to feel safe and secure. Areas of potential conflict around this need involve the ability to adapt to change, how you spend and save money, preparations one makes for safety, spontaneity, and tolerance for risk. You're Unhappy But You're Partner Is Fine—What Can You Do? [EXPERT]
The third of the human needs is significance. People with a high need for significance want to make an impact, be heard and gain respect. It’s important to leave a legacy and to gain recognition for their accomplishments.
The fourth need to discuss is the need for freedom. A person with a high need for freedom is independent and likes to do things his or her own way. A high freedom need person generally does not like rules---particularly ones that don't make sense. They also value their time alone. They like to do what they want, when they want and are a generally creative problem-solvers.
There is usually an inverse relationship between the connection and the freedom needs, but not always. When a person has a high need for connection, he or she typically has a lower need for freedom and vice versa. Of course, there are exceptions but typically there is an opposite relationship between the two.
The last of InsideOut Empowerment's basic human needs is enjoyment. Enjoyment seems pretty straightforward but there are some subtleties to it that are necessary to understand. There are basically two kinds of enjoyment. There is the loud, energetic kind of fun that people might get from physical activity and parties, for example. There is the quiet, relaxing kind of fun that might be enjoyed by fishing, lying in a hammock on a warm summer’s day or reading for pleasure. Everyone has various ways of meeting their enjoyment need and it is these differences that can drastically effect your satisfaction in your relationship.
It is not always true that in order for your relationship to succeed, you must have equal or almost equal need strengths in all five needs. For the significance need, it is best when one of you is high and one of you is low in that need.
Go to InsideOut Empowerment and take the free assessments today.
There is so much to learn about improving the most significant relationship of choice in your life. This provides you with one more piece to the puzzle.
This article was originally published at InsideOut Empowerment. Reprinted with permission from the author.