What can we learn from the murder-suicide of Jovan Belcher and Kasandra Perkins?
The problem is if a person never learns the value of the other ways to gain significance, and all he or she has is powering over behavior. This might look like the bully on the playground, the boss who takes credit for others' work or the perpetrator of domestic violence.
The other two ways of gaining power and significance are powering with others and developing power within. Let's look at powering with others first. Powering with others is a great way to get one’s need for significance met. This can happen when people go into business together, get along well with each other and work well toward meeting their goals.
You can have power with your co-workers when you engage in cooperative teamwork to get the job done. You can power with family members in a fully functioning family (whatever that is). And you can power with team members when you have an athletic team that works well with each other, has no major grandstanders with everyone doing their part and results in a winning record.
The only problem with only having exclusive power with others behavior is that you will be at a loss when your "team" isn't around. You only experience significance when your "team" is there to support you and many times they won't be.
The final way to get one's need for significance met is to have power within. Power within results from those things we are good at, proud of and have accomplished in our lives. It comes from competence, getting recognition for accomplishments, and an inner knowing of your strengths, talents and special gifts you have to share with the world.
You may argue that NFL players should have this kind of power by virtue of the fact that they made it to the elite status of playing in the NFL. Many do but there are also some who have not gone beyond the methods of gaining power by powering over others. They derive no real satisfaction from their inner gifts and talents unless they place them above everyone else. Continue reading ...