Are you ever ugly? I don't mean ugly looking. I don't mean having one of those days when it's not in your best interests to be seen publically. I don't mean wearing ugly clothes or being born with ugly toes.
I mean do you ever catch yourself thinking thoughts or feeling feelings that cause you to behave in an ugly manner?
Let's define ugly for a minute...
- Ugly is speaking to someone in a harsh manner, putting them down, being abrasive, and perhaps even rude. Ugly can be screaming and yelling and freaking out too. Often this kind of ugly is triggered when another person is not doing what you want them to do or being how you want them to be. For example, when your kids leave a mess in the family room, that may trigger the kind of reaction that can be frustrated or angry.
- Ugly is jealousy or that feeling that it's just not fair that someone else gets something that you don't. Ugly is feeling pissed off that the other person didn't deserve it and ugly is feeling like a victim because you did deserve it but didn't get the prize. For example if a co-worker gets the job you wanted when you know he didn't deserve it or if a distant cousin gets to live the 'high life' because he was lucky enough to come into a family inheritance when you are killing yourself at home just trying to make ends meet.
- Ugly is feeling rage, wanting revenge or having the desire to inflict pain on someone else.
Ugly is being so disconnected from yourself that you behave in ways that bring you further away from your greatest desires.
I was on Facebook the other day and I noticed a fellow coach making an ugly comment about a prominent politician. Her comments were directed at him. She did not agree with a position he took on an environmental issue. Not only were her remarks laced with biting sarcasm, she took the liberty of calling him derogatory names. Disagreeing with a political point of view is fair game, but calling him names is getting ugly. I know her to be a powerful coach whose mission in life is to help people lose weight by helping them build a healthy self esteem. It seemed her political outrage was a departure from her purpose. I doubted that she made a practice out of calling people names. I wondered why she was using him as her excuse to be so ugly.
We do this all the time - use others as our excuse to behave in ways that misrepresent who we really are. We use other people as triggers and then claim that they provide a justifiable reason for being ugly. We yell at our kids, we complain about our spouses, we get disappointed with our friends, we become jealous of our colleagues, enraged at other drivers on the road, critical of strangers that cross our path, and the list goes on. It's time to start taking responsibility for the way we behave and stop using other people as our excuse to be ugly.