Five Tips for Staying Empowered in Conflict


Five Tips for Staying Empowered in Conflict
Learn 5 simple empowerment tools and create connection rather than distance during conflict.

One of the most common ways that we give up our power and contribute to the escalation of conflict in our relationships is when we blame.  Anytime we remain focused on our partner’s behavior, we abandon our possibility for control and change since we are the only one we are capable of changing.  If you are tired of feeling powerless in your relationship and are ready to take accountability for real change, here are five tips for staying empowered during conflict.

1. Breathe. The breath is your most powerful antidote to stressful feelings. Close your eyes and intentionally inhale and exhale, allowing yourself to return home to your highest self within.

More from YourTango: 3 Lessons To Learn From Lance Armstrong's Confession

2. Identify feelings. Ask yourself, what am I feeling? Then name and communicate the feelings that come up. We have a lot of feeling words and yet there are only four core feelings and then varying degrees of their experience…happy, sad, mad, scared. Which resonates with you?

3. Start with “I”. Empowerment means staying at home inside YOURself. You cannot be present with your power when you are outside of yourself talking about “you” and “them” and “her” and “him”. Watch your language. Mindfully begin your sentences with “I” (this includes internal and external dialogue) and ensure that you are owning each feeling, need, thought, and behavior that you may be having in reaction to your partner.

4. Identify needs. Now that you have identified your feelings and claimed them, what do you need? If you are sad, do you need comfort? If you are mad, do you need understanding? If you are scared, do you need reassurance? Once you identify your need, decide how YOU can clearly communicate it.  Ultimately though, you need to remember that your needs are your job to meet.  Too often, we wait for others to give us what we need…when we can comfort, understand, and reassure ourselves, we take our power back and connect with others out of want versus need—that, my friends is true love!

More from YourTango: 4 Tips For Actualizing New Year's Intentions

5. Take ownership of your part. Blaming others, is the single most disempowered position we put ourselves in. Simply put, STOP BLAMING. Others are responsible for THEIR thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and YOU are solely responsible for how YOU react to what you witness and experience with others.

When you breathe, identify your feelings and needs and speak from “I”, you take ownership of yourself and walk through the doorway of freedom…welcome to your empowered life!

Share this with someone you love (or even like a lot)!

Let's make it
FB official
Recent Expert Posts

Guide to Becoming a Soulfull Woman Understand Your Beliefs

Once you understand where your beliefs about yourself came from, you determine what's really YOU

Flirty Talk

7 Reasons Why You Have a Fear of Love

Dr. Martha Tara Lee shares 7 reasons you have fear about love and 3 truths you can take on board.

Summer Couple

Ditch Your Need for Certainty: Cultivate These Nine Traits

Sometimes we find ourselves on the precipice of a decision and become paralyzed. We hesitate ...

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

How to find the right pro for you
10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

10 Reasons Mental Health Pros Should Join YourTango Experts

YourTango Experts can help your business go from good to great.

10 Steps To Improve Your Coaching Business

Take your coaching business from mediocre to great in no timeā€¦

Frequently Asked Questions About YourTango Experts

Thinking of joining? Here's all the facts you need to know to make the most of your membership.

Getting Your Guy To Join You In A Therapy Or Coaching Session

So how can your get your strong, self-reliant, superman to talk to an Expert with you?

Therapist/Counselors: Who We Are & What We Do

What exactly does a therapist/counselor do and can they really help?

See more resources>