The cost of frenemies is way too high. It's time for you to upgrade your people!
Friends are powerful. They can boost your mood, help you out of a jam, and the good ones can even reduce your blood pressure. Making new friends as an adult can be a little tricky as emotional baggage snowballs over time.
Like romance, friendship may light up your life or crush your confidence in a breakup. Due to this “relationship dynamic,” putting yourself out there can be uncomfortable.
All Friendship Is Not Created Equal
You may not need to be super picky when making surface friends. You know, the ones you hang out to avoid being lonely. There may not be any sharing of your innermost thoughts and dreams with them so they are not as emotionally risky.
Deeply connected friendships, on the other hand, evolve over time. Specificity is important when seeking these out. You don’t go to a restaurant and order “dinner” and wait to see what shows up. You order exactly what you want the way you want it.
Since quality friends last longer than a meal, here are some tips to make placing your “friend order” more successful.
Get To Know Yourself First To Boost Your Confidence
1. What greatness do you bring to a healthy friendship?
Are you a good listener? Does your energy light up a room when you walk in? Are you the jokester who gets everyone laughing? Or are you the serious, steady one who’s great to lean on in a pinch?
If you are a bitchy, critical, Debbie Downer, you will attract the same in a friend because positive, fun people won’t want to hang out with you.
2. Which qualities are most important in a friend?
Do you insist on honesty or is a wicked sense of humor more important? Is it okay to be casually late without a call or text, or is punctuality synonymous with respect?
If you are congruent, embodying your own values, you will magnetize others with those same values.
3. What personality style combo are you? (free download below)
Do you want a lot of casual friends or thrive with a few close connections? Do you tell people what you think they want to hear, or spew the blunt truth? Are you the life of the party, or a logical, thinker type?
This is intended as a basic guide to help you understand people better and communicate more effectively. It is not intended as an end-all be-all “friend labeler.”
Where To Meet New Friends
Based on your personality style, you are basically either social or quiet. This will determine how you will go about meeting new people.
If you are comfortable in social situations, Meetup.com groups may be the perfect arena for friend-making. You might have to muster the courage to attend alone in the beginning but realize others are doing the same thing.
If the thought of attending a social event gets your heart pounding, you may opt for a class instead. Whether tech, cooking, or yoga, having structure, an instructor, and an agenda takes the pressure off. An ongoing class gives you more time to connect regularly if you are slower to engage with people.
A sincere compliment brightens the other persons’ day and yours while creating positive energy. Clothing, hair, jewelry, and coffee making skills, are good topics.
Asking a question someone knows the answer to allows them to feel helpful and respected for their knowledge. Be sure whatever you ask about is positive so your introduction starts out on a high note.
Pick out someone who is alone at your class or event and introduce yourself. Chances are, they will be relieved you took the first step. If you collect a few solo people and introduce each other, you’ll form your own group.
The Bonus Benefit Of Friendship On Your Relationship
If you are in a healthy relationship, and have a good friend, your partner can relax more without having to play both roles. Venting and laughing with a gal pal about your bad day can clear your head before couple-time for a more peaceful connection.
It’s vital to value your friends even if you are part of a couple. Both of you scheduling friend-time can enhance your mental health and emotional availability for one another. You might find same sex friends and avoiding the bar scene most empowering for your couple-ness.
Deleting Toxic Friends Opens Space For Positive Ones
If you have unhealthy friends, or toxic frenemies, you already know how much they drag you down. By deleting them from your life, you open space for even more empowering, positive friends. The toxic ones take up more space and keep you from becoming the woman you’re meant to be.
Kelly Rudolph, founder of PositiveWomenRock.com shows women how to get from stuck and stressed to clear and confident with plenty of healthy friendships. Download your free one-page Personality Styles Sheet now.