How To Be Happy: It's A Process


Life Coach: How To Be Happy
Searching for bliss? Here's an expert tip: it's not an end goal!

Zapping Tolerations
Another good habit to get into is zapping tolerations. A toleration is something you're putting up with instead of dealing with or deleting. For example, I had a small piling system of seemingly important papers that I would move from my desk to the floor and back again, rather than just taking a few minutes to sort it and add to an appropriate filing system. Three months went by and I only sorted the pile because a friend was going to be staying with me — I wanted my desk to look neat and tidy. It took all of 20 minutes. The frustration and stress that stupid pile caused over three months was huge, compared to zapping it in 20 minutes. Now, I file my piles at one inch in height rather than three and I'm much happier. 

Personal Story
When I first moved to San Diego, California people talked about how bad the traffic was. They were right, but I was happy to sit in traffic because I was looking at the beach and ocean. There's also a stereotype in San Diego called Sunshine Dollars, which means people move here and work for peanuts because the weather and opportunities are so awesome. Gratitude for being here makes me happy and outweighs the cost-of-living challenge. 

I grew up in Fresno, which is an agricultural community in the center of California. If you traveled for one to three hours, Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Parks, Yosemite, San Francisco, Los Angeles and Carmel were close by. When it was time to spread my wings in my early 20s I moved to Hawaii, San Diego and Lake Tahoe, looking for happiness. I realized happiness, like age, was in my head, not at the beach or ski resort (although temporary happiness can often be found there!).

Moving back to Fresno, I became happier than I'd ever been. Once I refined my happy-habits, I moved back to the beach in San Diego. Now, when something negative comes along, I use the process to shift right back to bliss. Sometimes it lasts for a minute and sometimes a day or month, but when it gets interrupted, I go back to the process... and it's quicker each time. 

The Process For Happiness
Your process to be happy is multi-fold: find things to be grateful for in all situations, be kind and courteous to others while realizing they are responsible for their own happiness, shift toward positive people and situations and news, zap those tolerations, and use your happy thing as a trigger for feeling good. You will notice a huge difference. Habits take time to form, so practice, practice, practice... and let me know how you're doing.

For more tips on improving your happiness and relationship skills with everyone in your life, sign up for my FREE Life Strategies at and join the conversation at Facebook/PositiveWomenRock.

Article contributed by

Kelly Rudolph

Life Coach

Kelly Rudolph
Certified Life Coach | Certified Hypnotherapist | Founder of PositiveWomenRock | Speaker/Presenter

Coach Kelly Rudolph walks her talk and implements her own personal growth plan on a dialy basis, translating into greater understanding, experience and strategies for her clients.

Her personal story is one of tragedy-to-triumph. Learn more at:

Join Kelly on her Positive Women Rock Facebook page and sign up for her FREE Life Strategies.

Location: San Diego, CA
Credentials: ACC, CHT
Specialties: Life Management, Life Transitions, Stress Management
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