When you are anxious, your head will provide strategies that will overrule your heart.
Have you ever followed your heart, and then allowed your head to get in the way? On this week’s show of "Mixology", Cal thought he might have met the one when he found out the waitress, Kacey, was from the same town and they had similar interests. For Cal, this wasn't a new phenomenon for him. This actually would be the fourth time he would use these words since the age of 26. His reason, "I thought we had such amazing connection." He would confess, "I didn't even really know these women." The fact is it wasn't because of Cal's heart; it was because of his attachment style.
When you have an anxious attachment style, you never allow your heart to overrule your head. Even though you tend to fall for the person you are dating very quickly, throughout the relationship, if your partner gives you mixed reviews about wanting to be together, it will upset your relationship equilibrium. Cal's lack of reassurance unnerved him as he tried to rationalize why Kacey was the right one for him.
Someone that has the anxious attachment style tends to be hypersensitive to anything that might threaten any intimate relationship. When that occurs, you abandon what your heart tells you and will activate strategies that will get, or help you remain close to your partner even if it jeopardizes your self-esteem.
Some of those strategies that get in the way of your heart are:
- Thinking about your mate any and all times of the day.
- Believing this is the one and is your only chance at love.
- Even though you're unhappy now, you think the relationship will eventually turn around, so you hang in there.
- You believe he/she can change.
These thought processes can cause you to live your life in the danger zone in terms of relationships and can be toxic not only to your heart, but also your partners.
If you are dating someone that possesses these characteristics and you are very interested in them, don't mess with their heads early in the relationship. Reassurance is the key. You must be attuned to their needs in the early stages of dating otherwise you will expend more energy trying to maintain a sense of normalcy.
In the end, Cal chose his head over his heart and let the perfect relationship for him slip away. Hopefully in your next relationship, you will let your heart lead the way and not allow your head to mess it up.
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