Until one fine day, I told her my truth.
I said, “Mom I feel like I have to make you happy, say the right things, and feel responsible for you being okay so the family is okay.” That was one of the scariest reveals I had made up until that point. She was surprised and told me that she had no idea I felt that way and that she didn’t want me to feel that pressure. “I am your mom,” she said, “And I go through things and get out of them, but you don’t have to take that on.”
My mind was reeling. You mean all these years I had been feeling like this for nothing? WHAT?!
That conversation was followed by so much relief that I realized there had been so much energy (unbeknownst to me) that I was carrying. I cried and cried. How could I have been so wrong for so many years? In the same breath, thank god I was because I would rather have it be like this!
That is when the way I saw my mom permanently shifted. That is when I started to understand her for the HUMAN being that she is. I have realized that I am exactly like her (something I resisted for a long time). I became curious about how she was raised, what has impacted her the most in her life and what relationships have shaped her life. I learned a lot about her, and I can now with every cell in my being say to you that if I had the life that my mom had, I would be exactly like her. Exactly.
With that thought came so much freedom in my life, freedom because I stopped resisting the women who birthed and nurtured me- the woman I am so much like. By understanding her I had access to understanding myself more, and now our relationship is open, light, and compassionate. Of course we sill get into small tiffs, and within seconds understand one another, and I don’t reel in my head the way I used to. That is priceless.
So my question to you for this week’s Lovework is, how do you perceive your mom? In what ways are you hurt by her? How do you feel pressured by her? What is your truth about why you took on that pressure? I promise you that she never wanted you to do that. When are you going to lovingly tell her your truth? Tell me how you feel about your mom in the COMMENTS below!