Will You Judge Me For This?

As you read this I am moving into my new place, which is AMAZING. I have been waiting for this day for at least 3 years and am especially excited because I’m moving into a building that I’ve dreamed about living in for years. I am so grateful to be ALIVE and empowered to create a life that I absolutely love.

 

More from YourTango: I used to feel alone

It wasn’t always like this though; I used to be stuck and afraid. One excuse I used to use frequently to stop me was wondering what others thought of me, aka judgment.

I have had too many women tell me that it is difficult to put themselves out there, start dating, or even say what they really feel in relationships. The reason they feel this way is because they don’t want to be judged by others. And this is what is stopping them from getting bold in love.

 

Have you ever been to a networking event and felt totally awkward meeting strangers? Most people I know dread networking events. What do you say? Who should you talk to? You feel a little squimish inside because you see some people sticking to the people they already know and yet others that are all about meeting new people. You think to yourself, “Well I don’t want to come off desperate like the ones that are too eager to meet new people, but the ones that are being clicky feel unapproachable.” So you try to pick out someone in the room that doesn’t look intimidating and say hello.

Meanwhile what is really going on in your head is:

 

Do I look okay?

 

Do I smell?

 

More from YourTango: Your Mom

 

What is this person going to think of me? They seem to know what they are doing…will I look like a novice or not smart enough?

I don’t feel very cool; these people seem cool and I don’t want them thinking I am a total loser.

 

The more thoughts we have like this, the more likely we stay to ourselves, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, while feeling super inadequate and creating a neon sign on our forehead that says “Stay Away.”

I know we all think that we don’t want to be judged, but I want to tell you that judgment is everywhere! You are judging constantly [oh yeah you heard me right, you are doing it all the time] and so is every human being on this planet. It is a human characteristic. I love it when people say “I have no judgment, and…” because that simply means you are judging, but you just don’t want to come off as if you are. That is total BS. I have even found that those that pride themselves on being less judgmental are usually the most judgmental because what you resist persists.

 

Now listen, the reason I am revealing this to you is because judgment is an essential part of how we make decisions, and is absolutely needed. Without it we wouldn’t know if we like blue coach or a red one.

One definition of judgment is the cognitive process of reaching a decision or drawing conclusions.

 

Now some of you are thinking, “Okay great, so how does this help me date or find love?”