Tell your ex what you couldn't tell him when you were together.
If you are currently struggling with letting go of an old flame, the one that got away or just experiencing the breakup blues, then you must read this story. When Mary came to me, she told me that she didn’t know if she could get over a relationship that had just ended. Eric, her ex and co-worker, finally told her that he was still in love with her. But, it was two months after they had broken up and just before he moved to another city.
This left her with unanswered questions. Why was he still moving? Why wasn't he asking her to get back together, even if it was long distance? How could he love her and then leave her? Do You Put Too Much Pressure On Yourself?
I had Mary write him a letter saying everything that she had left unsaid. When she read the letter aloud, I knew she had to send it. I explained that it wasn't about Eric hearing what she had to say or even about getting a reply. It was about trusting herself enough to send it and to know that everything that had been left unsaid, needed to be said.
Within a day, she received an email from a woman who explained that she was Eric's girlfriend. Mary read the first couple of sentences and knew she did not need to know any more. Once she understood that Eric had moved because he had a girlfriend, the truth set her free. There had been times when she had sensed that something was off and now she was able to connect the dots surrounding all the ways that he had pulled away from her. The Healthy Way To Get Over A Breakup
The typical reaction to hearing that your ex boyfriend had another girlfriend would be a feeling of deception. But, Mary knew that it answered so many unanswered questions. While they were together, her intuition had been warning her and she now knew her intuition was right. She wasn't crazy. That is what set her free. Did she get angry? Yes. But, now she had something to fuel her forward momentum versus wallowing in the sadness that had been keeping her stuck in the past.
She realized that through trusting herself to send the letter, she was able to find the truth. Many times, we think that once we find the truth, then we can trust. The reality is that the only way to get to the truth is to trust first.
More breakup advice from YourTango:
- The 4 *Biggest* Signs You're Probably Going To Break-Up (Sorry.)
- 5 Breakup Myths That Are Total BS
- Was Your Ex Literally The Worst? 5 Ways You Can Bounce Back