This week I have been in Miami. A bunch of my closest girl friends and I are taking a weekend away to connect and bond in ways you can’t always do when you are in your day to day.
For a part of my trip in Miami, I was all by myself. If this had been 3 years ago I would have felt terribly alone. (Yes, even if you are married you can feel alone!)
In fact, the first two years of my marriage I felt incredibly alone. I remember having moments of living in NYC and walking to the subway where I asked myself, “What is the point of marriage? Why do we want it so bad, and then when we have it why doesn’t it feel the way we imagined it to be?”
What I didn’t get at that moment that I have learned since is that I deeply wanted my life to look exactly like I had imagined it, and when there was something that felt out of place or didn’t fit into my picture of my life, I would get incredibly upset.
If I wasn’t getting the recognition from my boss at work…I would be unhappy
If Hemal didn’t come with me to the temple…I would be unhappy
If my best friend didn’t call me after I had called her…I would be unhappy
If my parents were fighting and I couldn’t help them…I would be unhappy
And when you are unhappy, that feeling consumes you. Suddenly, you feel lonely in life, as if no one gets you, cares for you, or even likes you. It is irrational and yet as humans, we all experience it.
I am writing this to you because I know you feel alone often. I know this because you tell me. You tell me you want to find a man that you can share your life with, or if you’re in a relationship you tell me that you just want to feel understood, or to know he is right for you.
Well, what I have realized about feeling alone is that a man can’t fill you up. I mean I absolutely think the whole Jerry Maguire “You complete me” crap is just that- CRAP! Yes, initially it can totally feel like that because it is exciting and new, and yet as time passes, it shifts.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying you shouldn’t desire a relationship or a man in your life. In fact, I ask you to desire and declare it because when you find that person for you, it is bliss, and your life just feels more meaningful. However, you won’t ever allow yourself to feel that bliss unless you begin to let love in from everything and everyone around you NOW.
I can say to you now that I feel a sense of peace in aloneness. That was non-existent before. That doesn’t mean that I don’t ever feel alone, it just means that there is a sense of peace with it that I never had before.
Some of you may be thinking that you are totally cool with being alone, and honestly you’re not. It is just comfortable for you. You know how to deal with yourself and control that, but add people to the mix and it feels like you are vulnerable to emotions and feelings you don’t want to feel.