Breaking through the "I just want to be friends" barrier
In a full day VIP session that took place a month ago with a client, I discovered a pattern that I have to share with you!
My client, let’s call her Sandra, was extremely frustrated with her dating life. The kind of guys she was attracting in were great: courteous, gentlemanly, respectful, had their shit together. They had stability in their life and careers, and when it came to continuing to date after the second or third date, she kept getting the “I just want to be friends.” She was like, “What am I doing wrong?!”
She energetically, without even knowing it, was putting out the vibe of trying to please the men she was dating. Now don’t get me wrong, she wasn’t just sitting back and letting him do and say everything. She would voice her opinions and thoughts on how she felt about certain things, but there was still an energy of pleasing him.
When we are putting out a vibe like this, whether we are aware of it or not, it is the #1 way to drive a man away. Like us, a man doesn’t want to be with someone that is trying to please them; they want someone to challenge and inspire them. I believe this is because we are placed on this planet as humans to instinctively seek out evolvement and growth, and when we are in the presence of someone that is constantly trying to please us, there is very little potential to be challenged or pushed to evolve by that person.
As always, it all comes back to how you are with your parents. So, we discussed her relationship with her mom and dad. I asked her if she tries to lead her life in a way that makes them happy. She replied, “Of course. I want them to be happy and I just want to make sure I don’t hurt them.”
I totally respect that. I come from a culture that the last thing you do is disrespect your parents, however I also know how this can negatively impact your love life.
How you do anything is typically how you do everything, and this was transferring over into her love life, where unknowingly she was trying to please the men she was dating. I revealed to her that her parents don’t want her to take on the role to keep them happy. That is the last thing they want her to do. All they want is for her to be happy and healthy and to not have to worry about them.
She explained that she had felt burdened to help her mom lose weight because it was impacting her health and her mom would often complain about it. She revealed how frustrated she would get because her mom would complain but do nothing about it. She even lost weight herself to show her mom how powerful it can be. All of this was keeping Sandra in a place of parenting her parents instead of being the child, blocking her from receiving love from her parents.
Her assignment was to stop “coaching” her mom on weight loss and to get vulnerable. What I meant by that is to reveal something that she needed help with in her life and ask her mom to help her with it. We started with her mom because that was the parent she was placing more energy to “fix” and keep happy.
Once she started becoming more vulnerable and taking on the child’s role with her mom and dad, everything shifted for her in her dating life because she was no longer coming from a place of pleasing and fixing. All of a sudden the men were sticking around, asking her out and pursuing her. Now it was time for her to know exactly what she wanted and weed them out, versus her feeling like she was getting weeded out.
Ask yourself if you are trying to parent your parents. If so, how can you flip it around so that you can become the child with them? It is super important for you to feel their love. When you are parenting your parents, you will feel like you are better than them and not take in their love or create a story or excuse telling yourself it isn’t something they can help you with.
Tell me how you deal with the “I just want to be friends” line on my BLOG.