The concept of what you resist persists was subconsciously invoked. I explained to her that the way in which she didn’t like her mom was being recreated in her reaction towards Steve. This was also coupled with feeling like her dad was “perfect” in the way he handled situations. In feeling that way about her dad, she was subconsciously placing a lot of pressure on herself to be more like him- calm and rational. This is where her feeling of I SHOULD be calm came about.
Jane was like, “Holy shit! You are right. I didn’t realize the voices in my head that I was battling were Mom and Dad.”
It is super interesting how we are triggered and how it is directly related to how we perceive our mom and dad. It even blows my mind sometimes seeing the correlations.
So, as a rule of thumb I explained to her that when she begins to blame herself for something and feels stuck, there is always more to it then just feeling like the situation made you feel like that. When you are blaming yourself for something, it is usually the very thing you are blaming one or both of your parents for and is usually the characteristic or quality you didn’t like about them.
Because the truth is that Jane is a rational, intelligent, intuitive woman. There had to be a deeper reason to what was blocking her from expressing herself, otherwise she would have let it go easily.
So her Lovework, as well as yours, is to look at what you are beating yourself up for, which is preventing you from expressing yourself in relationships or with men. Identify which parent has that same quality that you don’t like about yourself. Once you identify which parent has it the strongest, you want to begin to access compassion for that parent in that way.
For Jane, I told her to ask her mom about where she got that quality of getting angry and overly emotional from. Understand what she went through with her parents that made her like this. As I say often, with understanding comes understanding (click HERE to tweet). And as soon as you have understanding, compassion comes along for the ride.
Tell me over on the blog, what do you beat yourself up over? What gets you stuck in your head and prevents you from expressing yourself? I love getting your comments!