Trust issues can create a real dilemma for your love life. Find out how to make it exciting again.
This past weekend I held a two day retreat for my private one-on-one coaching ladies. It was here in NYC in a beautiful Soho Loft. In one word it was PHENOMENAL.
The women came in with one view, and left with a completely transformed outlook on love. Specifically we looked at: how you are loved already; being excited to date; finding a man without it feeling like hard work; creating a closer and more powerful relationship; AND (yes there is an AND!) confidently knowing you can have the love you desire.
CRAZY AHH-MAZING RIGHT?
There is something special that happens when you get a group of powerful, intelligent women in a room together; it is pure MAGIC.
At the end of the weekend every single woman experienced a major shift…what I call a LOVE BREAKTHROUGH, all while having fun in the process. I had no words. My heart was filled with gratitude for each of these loving women (AKA change agents).
Retreat Ladies 2012
One of the topics we discussed this weekend was TRUST. One gorgeous lady in the group came into the weekend not excited to date, feeling like it takes too much work, and scared of getting hurt again by attracting the wrong kind of man.
She was having a trust dilemma. She no longer trusted her ability to choose a man that was right for her. She closed up her heart, and created an emotional wall between her and finding love. This makes it really difficult to want to date.
One major gem she took away from our trust talk was learning that TRUST IS A CHOICE. It isn’t something that is earned or developed over time. It is simply a choice. If you don’t believe me, believe Ernst Hemingway who said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
When you say you don’t trust others, you are saying you don’t trust being with that person (and vice versa). Ultimately you do not trust a part of yourself, and if you don’t trust yourself it is difficult to trust others.
This weekend we discovered what was stopping her from trusting. She believed that men couldn’t give her what she wanted, an emotional connection; hence her pattern in dating men that were emotionally unavailable. So, where did she come up with this belief?
This is what she experienced with her father her entire life. He provided financially, but would never say “I love you,” reveal his life to her, or tell her how to lead her life.
When he was dying with cancer she would go to visit him often, knowing he wouldn’t be around for much longer. She would find herself starring at him, wanting him to say something…anything…but he would just stare at the TV. This continued to make her feel like he just didn’t care and was never going to care.
We walked her through an experience/exercise of having a conversation with her father (who passed away a couple of years ago). At the end of this powerful exercise she realized that the conversation she was YEARNING for with her father in those last days actually occurred, it just wasn’t the way she expected it.
Something healed, released, and changed for the very first time. She was able to FEEL that her father absolutely loved her. She realized he gave her the gift of not tainting her life with his experiences, but was allowing her to pave her own path.
At the end of the weekend she said to me, “I am excited to flirt and date again.” There was a new lightness about her. Feeling loved by her dad allowed her to drop the baggage she had been carrying around for years. This OPENED her up to trust herself again.
I have said this over and over again. When you FEEL (not the logic brain stuff, but emotionally FEEL) the love of the people that raised you, something shifts in you forever. You open yourself up to love in new ways you couldn’t imagine before.
This week’s Lovework:
Who are you choosing not to trust? How does this affect you trusting yourself? What specifically do you not trust about yourself or the other person? How does it relate back to your mom or dad?
I would love to hear your thoughts on TRUST and how you choose to trust people. Tell me all about it by leaving your COMMENT here.