Changing your perspective will change EVERYTHING
When my husband of two years said to me “I don’t know if
I can do this anymore,” I reacted like most- I groveled. I said
I would change. Things would be different. I wouldn’t nag him
so much, require so much, ask as much. I would keep it
together all the time. I would do the things he wanted.
The best part of all of this graveling was that he did not
believe me AT ALL. Honestly, hours later I too knew
that I didn’t mean anything I had said because it was all
driven from desperation- desperate to keep what I had
with my husband. Yet, what I was creating was anything
but a healthy, happy relationship. I was just trying to dig
myself out of a hole, but to my surprise, it was actually
keeping us stuck in the hole.
I was devastated. Why was he so unhappy? What did
I do wrong? How could I make it better? I was at a
I realized that not only was he unhappy, but for the first
time in two years I admitted that I wasn’t happy as well.
This was the greatest admittance I could have made. Without
it, I would have stayed in denial about how I really felt. I
would have kept coming at my relationship from a space of
“I need to make it work,” and “I need to change him” in order
for the relationship to continue.
The problem with thinking I had to change him
was the fact that I couldn’t! It was an incredibly powerless
place to be. I knew that something needed to change, and
thought our relationship would be more loving and understanding
if HE changed.
It is incredible how a tweak in perception can change everything.
I literally mean EVERYTHING. Once I admitted that I wasn’t
happy either I began to see that it wasn’t just in my relationship,
but in my life. I was so focused on having him be different that I
had little room to have any focus on myself, further disconnecting
me from my life.
I had forgotten what I loved, what I wanted, and what made me
happy. I had hoped that once he changed I would have access or
permission to fully live my life. What a crock of shit.
Living and thinking this way was holding me back from really
having what I desired in my relationship. So, I shifted my
perspective, and I was able to access EVERYTHING.
One major way I tapped into feeling more powerful in my
relationship was to stop seeing my husband as…
A wounded bird:
Someone that needs guidance to live a more fulfilling life.
Someone who is emotionally stunted.
Someone that doesn’t quite get the things that I get
culturally and spiritually.
A very self-sufficient human being:
Someone that is fully capable.
Someone that is extremely intelligent.
Someone that is emotional, who loves and supports
me in every way he knows how.
That inward shift in my perception of my husband took the
burden off of me to keep him happy. It freed me from thinking
that I needed to “save” him in order for me to have the supportive,
romantic, passionate relationship that I knew I wanted.
By making this shift love had flow again. I was able to feel the love
I had for him, and the love he had for me.
All of a sudden I saw changes taking place in my relationship. He
was doing more with me saying less. He could energetically feel
the shift. He felt and saw in my eyes the confidence I had in him.
All he wanted was for me to believe in him… who doesn’t like to
be believed in!
And the cherry on top of all of this was I had space to focus on me.
I felt supported by him, allowing me to access my needs and wants.
Your Lovework is:
What is your intention with the people that are closest to you?
Whether you are in a relationship or single, you have people in your
life that you feel responsible for. You want the best for them, but thinking
you have to save them, help them, or worry about them, is not helping
them step into a powerful place. Believeing that they can accomplish
whatever they put there mind to and are fully capable allows them to
feel more powerful.
Are you doing that with a good friend, your parents, or maybe your
siblings? Pick one person and start to see them as capable, smart, and
fully understanding individuals. This small tweak in perception will
begin to rock your world with a new way of living and loving.
I would love to hear how you have used perspective to change the way
you see people in your life. Please COMMENT on this article!