Advice on how to get deal with being the one who cheated
Poor Kristen Stewart. Yes. I said it and I’ll say it again: Poor Kristen Stewart. Robert Pattinson has garnered tons of support post break up but I doubt many people are feeling too bad for Kristen. After all, she’s the one who cheated. Why should anyone feel bad for her?
Because her stupid mistake is being examined under a public microscope and critiqued in the tabloids.
The poor girl issued a public apology regarding a private matter. Even with Jodie Foster defending her, and her recent hiatus from the public eye, I would imagine Kristen is still feeling pretty awful right about now. At least when the rest of us mess up, practically no one cares and we can move with our lives on without having to sequester ourselves lest we be attacked by paparazi and rabid Pattinson fans.
It’s nearly impossible to go through life without screwing up royally at some point. Kristen Stewart is young so she’s bound to make lots of mistakes. Haven’t we all? And even though she probably knows that cheating is wrong, it can be hard to truly comprehend what “wrong” means until you make that mistake. I’m not defending her behavior; but I am defending her and her right to make a mistake and learn from it.
I don’t condone cheating. I’ve been the cheater, the one cheated on, and the one someone cheated with, so I understand the dynamics of the situation from all perspectives and that’s precisely why I can say for certain, no matter how you slice it, the situation sucks for all parties involved. There is however, a misconception about the cheater. We tend to think that since the the cheater is the one who violated the trust in his or her relationship, they’re not the victim so they have no right to feel bad. Not true. Just because you’re the cheater doesn’t mean that you’re spared any emotional fallout. If you have a conscience, you should feel bad. Actually, you should feel like a horrible person. And even if your significant other forgives you, you have a hard time forgiving yourself.
So for all you regretful infidels, here are a few ways you can deal with your mistake.
Ask yourself why you did it in the first place
People cheat for all kinds of reasons and most of the time, don’t consider the full impact of their behavior. It’s easy to get caught up in the lust and the excitement and jeopardize things that truly matter. Understanding what happened is one thing; understanding why it happened can be more complicated. If you’re the cheater, you have to ask yourself some difficult questions.
Were you unhappy in your relationship?
Was there something fundamentally lacking?
Have you been looking for a way out for a while?
Maybe you were never really attracted to the person in the first place. Maybe you were never planning on the relationship lasting very long and your infidelity is timed perfectly with the inevitable expiration date of your relationship. Maybe you’re just a heartless jerk- unlikely if you’re reading this column but I figured I’d throw it out there anyway.
Answering these questions requires that you be honest with yourself - not always the easiest thing to do, especially if it means admitting you’re a heartless jerk.
If you’re genuinely sorry for your behavior, find a way to apologize to the person you hurt. More than likely, they won’t forgive you right away. But when the dust settles, and it always does, you’re much better off making a genuine attempt to apologize than exacerbating the issue by keeping your mouth shut after breaking someone’s heart in a million pieces. Even if they never forgive you and refuse to speak to you ever again, at least you know you tried to apologize which might make you feel better about the whole crappy situation... which brings me to my next point...
Doing something bad doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. Consistently doing bad things is a different story, but a few moments of indiscretion followed by regret are a good indication that 1) you’re human and 2) you have a conscience. Both good things.
Don’t do it again
This tip seems pretty obvious, but it has to be said. You now fully understand the catastrophic impact of infidelity and will choose partners that are more appropriate for you. If you want a long term committed relationship, cheating won’t even be an option. If monogamy isn’t your thing, then make sure your partner is aware of your intentions. If you truly recognize your mistake, you will figure out a way to avoid this situation in the future.