"Oh boy, here we go again!" How many times have you heard yourself thinking this in your relationships? This is a good time to stop, breathe, stand still, look around, and do what I call a reality check to discover a different path to take. The same old spin cycle is just about to begin and you know it; that is the reason that you are telling yourself "Here we go again". This sounds like you don't have a choice, but the good news is that you do.
The reaction from the gut feels like you don't have any options. However, you do have choices; you have lots of different options when you train yourself to respond wisely instead of just being triggered and doing what you have done so many other times before. Happiness is a choice, not a reaction. As you think about those "here we go again" journeys, you can see the ole too familar bumps that have tripped you and your partner up over and over again. So, now it is time to try something new.
Really anything you do differently will take you down a new and exciting path. So by simply stopping and breathing you have changed things up. There really is no reason to go where you have gone so many times before. People think "This time it will be different." If it is the same spin cycle, the same words, and the same old fight, you really will get the same old results. I keep using the same words so you see the same pattern showing up here, too. Now let's spice things up a bit and add something new to the mix.
There was a clue for you before you thought "Here we go again" and this was actually the beginning of the spin cycle. Right now go back to your last silly fight, and that really is what these usually are: silly fights with no real meaning that leads to nowhere; a total tug of war. Prior to this fight there was a warning sign that you could have heeded that would have created a detour around this argument. These are what I call "guards" and "gatekeepers": the voices inside of us that see where we are headed and want us to see other options. Listen to these prompts, we do have a choice. We actually can respond and not react. "Oh boy, here we go again" is a guard that is signaling you to consider taking a moment to look and see what it is that you really want and not go where you have gone so many other times before. Go somewhere new and appreciate the relationship that you have as you choose to respond to your partner instead of reacting to your feelings.
Come share your stories on Friday 1:00pm ET at W4cy.com/radio Emotional Wisdom Training, find out more at www.emotionalwisdomtraining.com
More couples advice from YourTango: