Expecting Immediate Results. Do you expect others to fill your needs immediately and without prompting? This assumes that you are the superior and all others are inferior to you; that they are only here to meet your needs. If you place yourself above others in this way you will keep yourself from being able to achieve intimacy with another person because there will never be equality between you. True intimacy comes from partnership. Other people in your life may need to attend to their needs before they get to yours. This does not mean they don’t care, it only means that they understand that they have value, too.
There is no such thing as perfection – nature has made that impossible. So when you try to create perfection by giving or taking all, expecting others to have ESP or to be your servant you will constantly be set up to fail and immediately create a sense of failure for yourself and your relationships. But, when you relax, trust and acknowledge the needs of yourself and others, you will begin to feel confident and will lose the need for those defensive barriers.