Clarifying why men look at other women when they are with someone they say they love
Have you ever noticed your husband or boyfriend casting a glance at another woman’s cleavage or tight jeans? If you haven’t, then you probably haven’t been paying attention. Now and then I have a client ask me something like, “Is it normal that my husband was pointing out the college girls in short skirts at the bar last night?” These women ask out of true curiosity, fear, confusion, anger, hurt and even amusment.
The simple answer is, “Yes.” As women we sometimes struggle to understand that most men can enjoy noticing the attributes of other women without it having any implications on his relationship with you. If you talk to all of the men you know and they answer you honestly, they too will tell you that they cannot help but notice “a nice rack and a great rear end.” Is it crude? Possibly. Is it reality? Definitely.
Understand that I am making broad generalizations here. There are heterosexual men out there who don’t notice other women. Many of these men have low libido due to either mental or physical concerns, keep their more lascivious thoughts to themselves or have deeper issues that get in the way of their sexual freedom. The guys I’m talking about are your average red-blooded American males. Whether they like to watch football on a Sunday or go the opera on a Saturday, this baseline in male sexuality tends to be fairly consistent.
What we as women have to figure out is what our confidence level allows us to accept in our men. If you struggle with confidence in yourself, have had men cheat on you in the past or were raised to believe that pointing out other women is rude and disrespectful, let your guy know. Ask him to keep it under wraps when he is around you. Understand that this will not change what he is thinking, but you do have the right to ask that it not be shoved in your face if it makes you uncomfortable.
We also have to be able to look at our men and tell whether his wandering eye is one symptom among many that tell you that he is not fully in this relationship. Are you satisfied overall with his participation in the relationship? Has he cheated before? Does he show you that he loves you? Or does he tend to ignore your needs? If you have already noticed signs that he has checked out of the relationship then maybe that glance was more than a glance.
However, if you have a good relationship and are loving and satisfied with one another, please understand that he doesn’t mean to be rude, or to imply there is something wrong with you, just because there is another pretty woman in the same vicinity as you. He is just noting the objects of interest. Most men will say that once he has noticed the girl with the “nice rack” he doesn’t think about her again.
I’ve even known couples who turn this into a game. Who can spot the woman with the best booty? Games like this keep it all above board and keep you from feeling like he is keeping secrets. If you are in on the joke, then he probably isn’t hiding anything from you.
You have to know what you are or are not comfortable with in your relationship, need to take a look at yourself to see if you have any insecurities you may be projecting onto him and be realistic about what kind of relationship you are in. Have him read this article and see what his thoughts are. Let this be a way to open up some positive discussion. And, in the end, know that if this is a good man who truly loves you, then you will always be the woman he notices above all others.