Casual to Committed: How to Turn Your Relationship Around [EXPERT


flirty couple at a bar with wine
Plus: 6 steps to avoid a relationship rut!

He's not committing or moving the relationship forward because he doesn't feel it on the gut level, or he has told you that he isn't ready or doesn't want a relationship. And as I said in my book, trust him on that! (What he wants you to understand but can never tell you.) So where does that leave you?

When a man feels that his needs are being met without having to actually label you or the relationship, he is not really motivated to change it. Who doesn't want the most benefits with the least investment? The principle of supply and demand also applies in love. So, if you have spent months or years in a low-investment, low-expectation relationship, you might also want to ask yourself why you have been taking this "painful" path in the first place. Are you sure you really want or are ready for a relationship? Be very honest.

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I was in a few casual relationships because I wasn't ready to plunge in a new relationship with both feet. I wasn't sold on the enmeshment of two lives that a committed relationship demands. I was okay with spending (lots of) time together, as long as I could go back to my single life when I was alone.

I didn't like to be checked in on or to have to explain my whereabouts every minute of the day. I didn't like making excuses about why I wanted to go on a trip by myself at a drop of a hat. I didn't feel compelled to limit my curiosity for meeting new, interesting guys. Though I wasn't actively searching, I didn't want that door to be closed either.

Relationship obligations can be too much for a person unless he/she is ready for it. And the potential for the emotional mess is so high it can really dampen our enthusiasm about being with him/her on a deeper level. That's the story behind emotional unavailability with many people. It's pure unreadiness. Keep reading ...

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