A 6-Step Guide To Getting Him To Commit (But Still Playing It Cool)

Photo: weheartit
couple

Contributor
Love

Is your relationship stuck? THIS will help!

Understandably, sex has always been an emotionally charged subject for women. There are so many religious, cultural, emotional and personal issues attached to it. It is often said that women are the gatekeepers to sex, while guys are the gatekeepers to commitment. As a result, many women have a love-hate relationship with sex.

Listen ... guys love sex. They can't help it. It's deeply embedded in their genetic codes. Don't fault them for that. Accept and embrace it, but know this: For men, sexual desire is the gate to romance.

That's not to say that sex means love or that if you have sex with them, it will automatically translate into romance. Rather, for guys, romance needs sex to launch. And guys rarely stay with a woman just for the sex. So if he's sticking around, but not committing, it's not the sex that is to blame.

If you think sex is everything that a guy wants, you're wrong. The sex alone isn't worth it if he doesn't like you all that much, especially if you constantly nag and create drama.

Men love and want sex, but they are not that desperate for it. Finding someone to hook up with is easy. A good woman, on the other hand, is like a diamond; she's one in a million.

He's not committing or moving the relationship forward because he doesn't feel it on the gut level, or he has told you that he isn't ready or doesn't want a relationship.

So where does that leave you?

If you have done the self-analyzing, and you are pretty sure that a relationship is what you truly desire, there are steps you can take to have the tables reversed. Nudge your relationship forward by being more secure. 

My method is always back to self-nourishment. Self-fulfillment is the answer to all of your relationship issues.

Are you a happy person with healthy confidence and boundaries? Then you should be okay. Many men are looking for and want to adore women like that. A woman like that has tons of options because she is a rare commodity.

Here are some remedial steps you can start taking now to avoid getting stuck in a relationship that isn't going anywhere:

1. Back off.

weheartit

Collect yourself, your thoughts, your aspirations, dreams, fears and triggers. Go on a hike or a walk and meditate on them.

Have you been too clingy and needy as of late? Does it stain the closeness you once had? Pulling away and just focusing on fulfilling your own needs, at this point, is the first start.

2. Don't use a relationship as security.

weheartit

Is your identity too much enmeshed in this relationship or the idea of being his girlfriend? If yes, then you have self-esteem issues. You don't want a relationship as much as you want the security of a relationship.

The more you want security, the less likely you'll get it. Security only takes place when you fully embrace the insecurity inherent in every aspect of life, and that especially includes love.

3. Stop bringing the subject up.

weheartit

Just go about living your life to the fullest, which means you're committed to making your life so much more colorful that he will have to see the change in you and your availability. He will need to see you glow and radiate contentment and feminine allure.

Be different. Do things differently, change your routine or even look different! Spend more time with yourself and people around you like your friends, colleagues, family members, etc. Make him wonder why you are not on his back as you usually were. Shock him.

4. Take some time for yourself.

weheartit

Take a trip by yourself or your friends. A trip is a great way to recharge yourself and — in the process — your stalled relationship. Why? Because when you are on a trip, you are brought into a new environment and experience.

To him, it can induce his insecurities a little bit. He will wonder what you'll do and with whom and which new people you'll meet. You introduce a new challenge into the relationship, a new variable into the equation. That puts him on the edge, and he's afraid of falling off so his first instinct will be to grasp you tighter.

Be gracious and excited about telling your experience. The thrill will give you new blood, and he will notice the shifted vibe in you. And as I always say, the change in your relationship should start with the shifting of your energy. Your vibration needs to be raised first.

6. Move on.

weheartit

If you have done all those steps and he's still not stepping up, then girl, you really deserve a better man, don't you think? A woman like you shouldn't have a problem finding the right guy who will reciprocate everything you have to offer. Don't sell yourself short.

Next time, learn to love unconditionally and without expectations, yet only allow yourself to fall in love and be in love with a man who seeks, courts and claims you. Period. It's about you as well as the right choice of men.

To know more about this and to learn how to give a reverse ultimatum — instead of an ultimatum that rarely works — click here.

Author

Contributor

From our Partners

Explore YourTango

MOST POPULAR