What if you agreed to FWB but now you want more?
There are a few instances in which both the man and woman verbally agreed early on to FWB but then one is falling for the other. Or, a woman who agreed to it thinking she could change him along the way even though he repeatedly has said that he doesn't want a relationship.
In my book, He's Really That Into You, He's Just Not Ready, I elaborate how a man can be into a woman but he's not in the headspace to be in relationship for various reasons. He's not emotionally available for the expectations and obligations of a relationship yet he doesn't want to lose her either.
What to do in such situations?
If you feel you are falling fast for your FWB and are wanting more, here are a few guidelines to follow:
1. You can always change your mind, you know. If this arrangement doesn't serve you anymore — the benefits really exceed the costs — you know where the door is, right? And next time, never agree to something you are not comfortable with only because you think you can change him or you expect him to change.
2. Wean yourself off of him. Of course it's not that easy to leave because you are hormonally and emotionally attached to him now, so what you need to do is to start weaning yourself off him by seeing him less and seeing others more. I don't recommend talking to him about wanting to be serious if he hasn't initiated the conversation himself because the likelihood is he hasn't changed his mind about not wanting a relationship. (Learn more about the miraculous power of leaning back here)
A man who knows what he wants will go and get it. If he hasn't moved the relationship forward, it's because nothing has changed since your agreement. You getting more focused on yourself will get him to notice and do something about it if he's so inclined.
3. Don't be more invested than he is. Avoid being a one-down, i.e. a party of the "coupledom" who is more invested and more into the other. The more you are ridden with one-down anxiety, the more you feel vulnerable, helpless, hopeless and desperate. That will translate into you vibe and behaviors and it's a repellent to most guys.
The secret of stability and longevity of every relationship is when no one is ahead of the other. When you "let yourself go" and become the piner, you lose your power and simultaneously his attraction for you so you might as well forget the long-term thing with him now. Keep reading ...