Can "Friends With Benefits" Turn Into A Relationship?


Can "Friends With Benefits" Turn Into A Relationship?
Is your "Friends With Benefits" relationship causing a bond or keeping you in the friends zone?

I have been involved in FWB myself in the past and I never once regretted those relationships as they serve their purpose at the time and I have learnt so much from such arrangements myself. And against the naysayers' conviction, a few of those guys in fact wanted more while I didn't. And whether or not what I had was a FWB with my ex-before we became official, he later married me too!

So yeah anything is possible. Just be open-minded and firm in your feminine power, the rest will take care of itself.


Three Steps To Make Him Want You More ...

Most relationships start casual.

Whatever you want to call the early stage of dating, it is casual. You can call it dating, hooking up, hanging out, courtship or whatever it is pretty much casual and it's supposed to be. Are you that desperate to want a few weeks of exploration of each other's fitness for potential partnership to become a full blown relationship with all its expectations? If that's the case, I'm not saying it won't happen but your chance to really be in a fully functional and lasting relationship is rather thin, I should say.

And most people don't have labels for their early stages of relationship. More often than not many women don't know they are FWB until other people (usually their judgmental, jaded and jealous single girlfriends) point that out. And all of sudden this fun and baggage-free relating becomes an issue and is now less enjoyable because of the preconceived notion infused into it. True?

What is early, you might ask. Well, it varies from one person to the next, one couple to the next.  I would say the first 6 months is early.  And I won't flinch either if you still have no name/label to your relationship after a year.  What you should worry more is how good is the quality of your "relating"?

If you are on the early stage of dating and he hasn't claimed you yet (he hasn't told you how he felt about you seeing other guys), then act like a single lady when you are not with him. Don't close yourself off. Don't take down your dating profile just yet and don't rely on him as the main and only source of male company and/or emotional fulfillment. If you do that, you will start breeding insecurities into the relationship (as if you didn't have enough already) and the chance for you to attract him more is being compromised when that happens.

Is He Disappearing? Read This Before It's Too Late

What if you agreed to FWB but now you want more?

There are a few instances in which both the man and woman verbally agreed early on to FWB but then one is falling for the other. Or, a woman who agreed to it thinking she could change him along the way even though he repeatedly has said that he doesn't want a relationship.

In my book, He's Really That Into You, He's Just Not Ready, I elaborate how a man can be into a woman but he's not in the headspace to be in relationship for various reasons. He's not emotionally available for the expectations and obligations of a relationship yet he doesn't want to lose her either.  

What to do in such situations?

If you feel you are falling fast for your FWB and are wanting more, here are a few guidelines to follow:

1. You can always change your mind, you know. If this arrangement doesn't serve you anymore — the benefits really exceed the costs — you know where the door is, right? And next time, never agree to something you are not comfortable with only because you think you can change him or you expect him to change.  

2. Wean yourself off of him. Of course it's not that easy to leave because you are hormonally and emotionally attached to him now, so what you need to do is to start weaning yourself off him by seeing him less and seeing others more. I don't recommend talking to him about wanting to be serious if he hasn't initiated the conversation himself because the likelihood is he hasn't changed his mind about not wanting a relationship. (Learn more about the miraculous power of leaning back here)

A man who knows what he wants will go and get it. If he hasn't moved the relationship forward, it's because nothing has changed since your agreement. You getting more focused on yourself will get him to notice and do something about it if he's so inclined.

3. Don't be more invested than he is. Avoid being a one-down, i.e. a party of the "coupledom" who is more invested and more into the other. The more you are ridden with one-down anxiety, the more you feel vulnerable, helpless, hopeless and desperate. That will translate into you vibe and behaviors and it's a repellent to most guys.  

The secret of stability and longevity of every relationship is when no one is ahead of the other. When you "let yourself go" and become the piner, you lose your power and simultaneously his attraction for you so you might as well forget the long-term thing with him now. Keep reading ...

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