Using our gifts in both the bedroom and the boardroom to model healthy, loving relationships
When I first began promoting my program The Art and Science of Romance, I discovered an audience ready and eager to receive my gospel about the benefits of romance. There seems to be a swelling among women who have found success in the work place to bring back a respect for this human experience that’s been trivialized and corrupted by our much too serious culture!
What I know as a woman and as a relationship coach is that we women still want to be swept off our feet, yet stand our ground. We want to be soft and feminine and yet be strong and respected for our brains and talents.
Here is what I want women to know: It is up to women to be feminine role models for the next generation – not only as leaders in the work place, but also as the keepers of the romantic flame. As soft and strong lovers, wives and mothers, it’s time to integrate our newfound leadership positions. Not to be like men but to be all around powerful women.
Not long after launching my new program on romance, a woman I will call Jane contacted me for relationship help. When setting up our meeting she had come across as a bit desperate so I was surprised upon meeting to find a magnetic, warm and confident woman. She talked of how she had succeeded at her career but never had the kind of relationship she yearned for. She was the first of many women I’ve encountered who fit this profile. If I were to write their ads for Match.com, they would sound too good to be true: Good looking, accomplished, well educated, good sense of humor, independently wealthy, smart, take charge, loving, fun. Basically, a “good catch”.
Of course, each tale had individual nuances, but the common theme was that they didn’t have a role model for the romance they were seeking. They all fell into the trap of relying on traditional, antiquated roles or running screaming from them. Many of these women felt comfortable with their power and position in the world of work, but felt at sea when it came to their personal lives.
Jane, despite all her efforts, hadn’t been able to succeed in the land of romance. So, we set off on a mission to explore “the reason”.
After clearing a lifetime of shoulds and shouldn’ts, Jane and I established that her work ahead, like all personal crusades, was as close to home as it gets: To be at peace with her feminine power and her romantic heart – whether she was in a romantic relationship or not. The bottom line is that you can Match.com all you want, but if you haven’t made peace with yourself, you’re going to continue to lack peace in a romantic relationship.
We’ve experienced an evolutionary sea change in the last 50 years or so. Women’s roles are no longer defined by their husbands or the cleanliness of their kitchen floors. We are in the transitionary muck of finding a balance between revealing our true power and being true to our feminine nature – however that may look to us as individuals.
It is usually a messy path to begin with making this change. Jane went through a few bad dates, add to the fact that some men are not up to the task of partnering a powerful woman. At times she fell back into old self defeating habits. She did the work though, and the payoff was two fold. She fell in love with herself and began to enjoy her life just as it was. She learned how to be true to her feminine nature while holding onto her own power. Then she met a man who matched her values and spirit in ways she hadn’t even imagined. She is now walking confidently on her own version of the happily ever path.
We can each make the evolutionary shift from the power struggle between the sexes to one where we, alongside our male counterparts, are leaders in the world by expressing our love of life. And it is in the bedroom as well as the boardroom where women’s true gifts and influence are needed.