It is that time of year once again. The wonderful, busy, stressful, joyous, lonely and fun time all bunched up into a few weeks time.
It is a time of year when our focus turns to home and hearth and sometimes with that focus, we become keenly aware of a relationship that is not working for us. It might be one in which we have not been happy for a long time or it could be something new has developed that we hadn’t noticed until now.
If you are in a relationship that has hit a bump and would like to know what you can do to turn it around here are a couple of guidelines I hope will be helpful.
The first step in making a change of any kind is acceptance.
If something is not working in your relationship accept the truth of it without making up what is causing it or what might happen. Don't jump to thinking about what you will have to do or won’t do or what you think you won't be able to do.
Those are the thoughts that take us out of the present moment and away from the truth. Acceptance is not easy but it will bring you peace.
The second step is to look at what it is you are unhappy about.
What YOU are unhappy with. The natural tendency when we are unhappy in a relationship is to either discount the unhappiness or to look over at the other person and note all they are doing wrong. Instead keep the discovery process focused on little old you. This way you won’t instigate an upset, that won’t get you any closer to the happiness you desire. You will be focused where the most useful information actually resides. Inside YOU.
The hardest step!
Once you have accepted the truth of your unhappiness and discovered what you don’t like or you would like to be different in your relationship it is now time to speak up.
This is best done with a loving intention for the relationship.
Most of the communication we receive from others comes from what we feel rather than the words used.
Clear out any anger or resentment before broaching a conversation of this kind.
Continuing with the theme from step two, make the conversation as much about YOU as possible. What you have noticed. What you have discovered about yourself and your own likes and dislikes. Be prepared for a process that sometimes takes several conversations.
It really doesn’t matter how long it takes to clear things up. What is more important is your own willingness to take responsibility and lovingly make a change.
One final note: As mentioned in the previous statement, this is a process. It might be that you are only ready for step one right now. Go easy on yourself and give yourself the gift of taking it one step at a time during this time of year!