Seven Ways To Keep Your Love Alive!
It may be too late for Johnny & Vanessa or Heidi & Seal but not for you & your soul mate… if you pay attention now.
The reason I am a relationship coach is that I am passionate about ROMANCE! I care about relationships of all kinds and help my clients through a myriad of issues with family, friends, work and even their relationships with themselves. I know our relationships are essential elements to a living fulfilling life. ROMANCE, however, is what makes my heart trill, gets me up in the morning to face another day and is of never-ending interest to me.
I say all of this so you will understand and not find me shallow when I tell you that my love of ROMANCE has me reading such illustrious publications as People magazine and following the romantic lives of the rich and famous.
It was in this capacity and in this context that I picked up my latest edition of said magazine and, to my horror, read the headline. It was a story about the demise of the romance between Johnny Depp and his long time love Vanessa Paradis.
A short digression: I was tempted just now to write “long time by Hollywood standards” when naming this a long-term relationship. Not fair! We commoners have much the same issues as they, only not as public or seemingly interesting. I could also say “in this day and time” it is long-term. That might be closer to the truth but sadly not so.
I read an article recently about the length of marriages in “the good old days” that nailed it for me. In the “once upon a time” it was unheard of for people to end a marriage in their late 30’s or 40’s or beyond. That was because most people at that age -were dead. We live a lot longer these days and with that our relationship behaviors have changed as well. So I will continue.
I am not naïve about romantic relationships whether it is movie stars, politicians or the couple next door. They are complicated and we never really know what is happening in anybody else’s marriage as much as we would like to think so. Marriages we think are lousy can last forever, while people we would never imagine apart get divorced.
Still, there are some relationships I read about that I hold up as good role models for both being romantic AND going the distance. Johnny Depp has declared his love for Vanessa and his love of their family in such authentic ways that theirs was one of those relationships for me.
So, I was shocked and dismayed and I wanted answers! How could this happen? Not you, too, Johnny.
The article I read didn’t divulge much and even if it had, as I said, the truth of anyone’s romantic relationship is usually much more complicated than we know.
What I did glean from the article and what I intuited was one of the causes of the demise was “distance”. Due to his film career taking off they had spent a lot of time apart over the past two years. She had given up her career to give the children a stable home and resentment had built up.
“Why didn’t they call me?” I scream to the Gods. This is not as inevitable as it may seem, and it most definitely is not just a “celebrity issue”. It’s a problem we all face.
I intend to reveal the solution to this problem right here in this article. For me, personally as well as professionally, I have found a winning formula that handles this. It answers two questions:
#1: “How do you keep love alive?”
You know what I mean: you are with your soul mate and well matched as a couple, in love and sharing values, having fun and feeling the sweetness of “being in love” that makes it easy to deal with the things that bug you about this person. You may even find things that annoy others to be endearing to you. Yes, Johnny & Vanessa, there IS a way to keep that alive.
#2: “How do you get it back if you lose it?”
This one is much trickier because the answer is exactly the same as for #1 with the caveat that it depends on how much damage is done and how much attention and energy a couple is willing to spend. So the answer to both questions lies below.
Before I uncover this valuable secret, I just have to tell you what happened next, just a few days after reading this heart-breaking story?
I was thinking about writing this article. I was digging into my treasure trove of information on what keeps couples close when they are truly a “match made in heaven”, like Johnny & Vanessa. Into my thoughts came another couple I have felt had this kind of marriage. In every interview I read, they had such loving words for each other and they seemed to have that wonderful combination of lasting romance, successful careers and fulfilling family life.
Seal and Heidi Klum were right at the top of my list of ideal examples of couples who have created a good life together.
Just a few hours after that musing, I had not yet sat down to put my thoughts to paper and, “WHAT???” there on the TV screen was a picture of said couple with an announcement of impending divorce! I turned up the volume and with glass of wine in hand listened for the details. The big reason?... “ they have grown apart”. Oh, come on, there it was again. “Distance” had reared its ugly head once more and ruined a perfectly good fairy tale romance.
I knew then and there I had to get the word out. Especially to those who, like myself, are feeling the sting of these two romances dying within days of each other. Before other people who love and cherish ROMANCE as much as I do began to falter in