The Question I promised to focus on this week is:
How can I avoid getting into an unhealthy relationship?
I have to giggle at that one as I am writing today. I don't know about you but in my experience many of us were BORN into unhealthy relationships!
That said I know that for the most part as adults, we get to choose the relationships we want to engage in. When it comes to romantic relationships we have 100% control. It is that type of relationship I am going to address today.
If you are searching for a new approach to love it might help you to have a new perspective.
Much of our misfortune and pain in relationships comes from unconsciously following dysfunctional patterns from childhood and making the same mistakes over and over seemingly helpless to change.
We can get paralyzed by our fear of repeating those patterns and paradoxically have our focus on what we don't want instead of what we do want. Afraid of that unhealthy pattern repeating itself so intently that we don't make the behavoir changes needed.
The truth is it takes an effort to create healthy relationships.
Though we luck out at times and seem to just fall into relationships that are great for the most part, even those relationships take an effort on our part.
- Be willing to make the effort.
The effort to change your own dysfunctional patterns, the effort to know what you require in a relationship, the effort to let go of those relationships that aren’t a match for you.
- Set good boundaries.
This is especially important at the very beginning of a relationship. Set a boundary with how much of yourself you share. Until you know that this person is someone you can trust with your heart.
- Go at your own pace.
Don't allow another person to rush you into moving into a more intimate relationship than you are ready for.
Don't tolerate waiting forever to having a committed relationship if that is what you are seeking.
Healthy Relationships begin with you first of all respecting yourself enough to do your own personal growth work, set good boundaries and listen to progress at a pace that has you able to consitently make good choices for yourself.
These are the behaviors that will help you to change old patterns for good!