Relationship ''Red Flags'
I am getting ready to launch the pilot of my new Radio Show -The Soul Mate Dating Game! I am excited to begin and engage with lovers of all stripes over the air waves.
The show will be aimed at those folks who want to have a Soul Mate relationship. There will be a segment for people who are using on-line dating sites to find their very own Mr or Ms right. They will have the opportunity to interview likely prospects and choose one to go on a date with.
Another segment is for those already in a committed relationship. This is for those lovers who want to create a deeper connection with their honey. I call this segment "Date your Mate." The final segment I call "Pop the Question," for those who want to propose to their Soul Mate with the highest intention, for their wedding and future life.
The purpose of this show is to showcase the elements included in the most fulfilling romantic relationships, in a fun and enlightening way.
We all love to hear about other peoples' love lives. I intend to give my listening audience the opportunity not only to listen to a variety of people putting their hearts on the line, but also to participate in the process by casting votes for who should GET the Date!
In preparing for the launch next month, I came across a test I have used when working with single people who are ready to put themselves out into the dating world and who want to be on the look-out for red flags.
I thought it would be fun to share this test with you today. It is useful both for its original purpose in the dating arena, and also for all of us to review, no matter what our romantic circumstances might be.
Looking out for those red flags in relationships helps us to be discerning about the people we allow into our lives. It can give us a clear guide for setting boundaries. Reviewing these red flags can illuminate gut feelings we have about certain people, maybe something we couldn't't quite put our finger on, but sensed.
Like The Soul Mate Dating Game radio show, looking at possible red flags is also an entertaining and easy way of illuminating the experiences of relationships past, present and future.
The Relationship Red Flags Test
I. Projecting the Future:
1. _____ Would I want to spend the rest of my life with
this person exactly as they are?
2. _____ Would I want this person to raise my child?
3. _____ Would I want my child to be exactly like this
II. Are You Talking Yourself Into a Relationship?
4. _____ Do I want to rescue or “help” this person, because I see their potential?
5. _____ I love the way they look or their status and it builds my own self-esteem to be with them.
6. _____ We have some things in common and so I’m avoiding looking at glaring differences.
7. _____ They appear to be totally different than people I’ve been with in the past.
8. _____ I’m focusing on one important quality (money, sex, fun, humor, etc) and ignoring unmet requirements.
III. Danger Signs
9. _____ Reacts to frustration with anger, rage, blame.
10. _____ Blames others or circumstances for life situation.
11. _____ Tries to control everything, including me.
12. _____ Immature, impulsive, and/or irresponsible.
13. _____ Emotionally distant or void, aloof.
14. _____ Still pining for a past relationship.
15. _____ Wants me to make their sad life better.
16. _____ Married or otherwise unavailable to commit to me.
17. _____ Active addiction, addictive behavior (rationalized as “not a problem”).
IV. Other Common Red Flags
18. _____ Is pessimistic and negative about things that matter to me.
19. _____ Lacks integrity in dealing with people, money, etc.
20. _____ Judgmental attitude toward themselves and others.
21. _____ Unwilling to self-examine, accept feedback, take responsibility.
22. _____ Doesn’t keep agreements.
23. _____ What they say about themselves doesn’t match reality.
24. _____ Emotional roller coaster, recurring or regular emotional drama.
25. _____ This isn’t what I really want, but I don’t want to be alone.
26. _____ Changeable, inconsistent behavior.
27. _____ Inability to listen.
28. _____ I notice myself trying to change this person to fit what I want, instead of accepting them for who they are.
29. _____ Talks too much (especially about self), monopolizes conversation.
30. _____ Overly quiet, withdrawn.
A. Total checked items from Section II, III, and IV _______
B. Circle the checked items that need close attention,
decision-making, or require more information.
C. On a scale from 0 (Not at all) to 100 (Perfect fit)
my minimum score for considering any relationship is
D. Using the above scale I score this potential relationship
E. Based upon the above results, I … should / shouldn’t (circle one) proceed dating this potential partner.
F. Based upon the above results I need to work on making new agreements and setting better boundaries in this relationship.