How do we women stop giving too much of ourselves in our romantic relationships? Not a new question for sure, and I don’t’ know that my advice is startlingly new either. What seems important about this subject and why I bring it up often with the women in my coaching circle is that the only way to make such a monumental change for our gender is to chip away at it little by little. The paradox is that we women are natural givers and it is in our nature to be focused on our romantic relationships. This makes total sense if you look at it from an evolutionary standpoint. I am certainly not suggesting that to counter this urge we become selfish and uncaring of others. It is still in our best interest and that of the planet for us to tend the fires of our romantic interest. What is needed however is for us to shift that loving focus a bit. What I have noticed over and over again in my work, as a relationship coach is that when women FIRST put the focus on themselves. When they are in touch with what they want, what is in their hearts, what makes them sing and dance they naturally give and receive the appropriate amount of love and attention to their romantic interest! I have never seen this fail as a matter of fact. How can you do this for yourself? Start by noticing your thinking when you are planning an activity or when you are daydreaming about a romantic interest. Then take your focus off of thinking about pleasing him and begin thinking about what will please you. Radical I know! As I said it is the simple steps taken regularly that bring about the most drastic and lasting change. Give this a try and I promise you will stop giving too much and start giving and receiving love in a whole new way.
Lisa had been dating her boyfriend for a few months when he gave her a beautiful necklace for Christmas. "It was a great gift… until I had to give it back," she said. "He stole it from his mom!" Lisa broke things off shortly after.
YourTango's Take: Jewelry is generally safe, but in this case it's just plain tacky. If you can't keep the goods, don't bother giving 'em!
Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.