Making a good love match may seem like something that only happens to special people ... namely, other people. It may seem like a matter of luck. The truth is that finding a good love match is no different than any other wonderful experience, and we all have the ability to manifest wonderful experiences in our lives. Of course, romantic love has its own particular nuances. Gee whiz, we might get our hearts broken! Finding love is an area of vulnerability and emotional risk. Still, it is worth having at least once in a lifetime, and you deserve it!
I often get asked about this in my work as a relationship coach. I have a bucket load of examples of how people have done the work needed to bring about the experience of falling in love. What came to me today as I sat down to write this article was another kind of love story: my own.
The process I went throuhg to find love was remarkably similar to the process I went through to find a new car. I went through the basic steps of conscious creation for both, and thought it would be fun to use the car buying metaphor to outline the path to romantic match-making heaven.
However, before you get to step one, you must do something that might seem counterintuitive: Stop going out and looking for someone! In looking for my perfect car match, my first instinct was to go looking for cars. People make the same mistake when looking for love, and they start at the wrong places. Before you go looking for someone, try following these steps.
Step 1: Know what you want. I began by thinking about what kind of experience I wanted to have with this car. I looked at my values and the activities I loved most. I spent some time examining cars I had previously owned that had been great disappointments to me in order to uncover some limited thinking that needed to be cleaned out. Here are a few of the things I came up with for my new dream car:
- I loved to go camping.
- I loved to just pick up and go to a nearby lake for a few hours of downtime.
- I loved to drive for hours to visit some familiar place with dear friends or to just go on an adventure to an unknown destination.
With that information I had the idea I might need a truck. I went looking for trucks that might be a good match but nothing felt right. I stayed true to the criteria without being attached to the how or what.Step two is to pay attention to how you feel.
Step 2: Listen to your gut. Whatever you do, don't miss this step!
When looking for a good love match, spend some time examining what you really care about. When looking at my values I knew it had to be a fun vehicle because that is a very high value of mine. It also needed to be affordable because I have a high value for financial stewardship. I also discovered a value that I call "quirky." The car needed to be a little off-center in order for it to be a good match for me. In romantic relationships, you might want to consider where you most would like to live. The kind of family life you desire. What types of activities and people do you want to spend your time with?