Finding true love is as easy as 1-2-3-4!
Making a good love match may seem like something that only happens to special people ... namely, other people. It may seem like a matter of luck. The truth is that finding a good love match is no different than any other wonderful experience, and we all have the ability to manifest wonderful experiences in our lives. Of course, romantic love has its own particular nuances. Gee whiz, we might get our hearts broken! Finding love is an area of vulnerability and emotional risk. Still, it is worth having at least once in a lifetime, and you deserve it!
I often get asked about this in my work as a relationship coach. I have a bucket load of examples of how people have done the work needed to bring about the experience of falling in love. What came to me today as I sat down to write this article was another kind of love story: my own.
The process I went throuhg to find love was remarkably similar to the process I went through to find a new car. I went through the basic steps of conscious creation for both, and thought it would be fun to use the car buying metaphor to outline the path to romantic match-making heaven.
However, before you get to step one, you must do something that might seem counterintuitive: Stop going out and looking for someone! In looking for my perfect car match, my first instinct was to go looking for cars. People make the same mistake when looking for love, and they start at the wrong places. Before you go looking for someone, try following these steps.
Step 1: Know what you want. I began by thinking about what kind of experience I wanted to have with this car. I looked at my values and the activities I loved most. I spent some time examining cars I had previously owned that had been great disappointments to me in order to uncover some limited thinking that needed to be cleaned out. Here are a few of the things I came up with for my new dream car:
- I loved to go camping.
- I loved to just pick up and go to a nearby lake for a few hours of downtime.
- I loved to drive for hours to visit some familiar place with dear friends or to just go on an adventure to an unknown destination.
With that information I had the idea I might need a truck. I went looking for trucks that might be a good match but nothing felt right. I stayed true to the criteria without being attached to the how or what.Step two is to pay attention to how you feel.
Step 2: Listen to your gut. Whatever you do, don't miss this step!
When looking for a good love match, spend some time examining what you really care about. When looking at my values I knew it had to be a fun vehicle because that is a very high value of mine. It also needed to be affordable because I have a high value for financial stewardship. I also discovered a value that I call "quirky." The car needed to be a little off-center in order for it to be a good match for me. In romantic relationships, you might want to consider where you most would like to live. The kind of family life you desire. What types of activities and people do you want to spend your time with?
After I had my list of essentials, I went looking. I looked on the highways, in the newspaper and in car lots. Nothing was right.
Step 3: Let go and enjoy your life. After searching for a few months, I let it go. There was no emergency here! I enjoyed the car I had and used the time to continue to hone my dream and to save money so I could honor my financial value fully. Once you have your criteria for a good match allow yourself to let go and love the life you have already. Detach from the outcome and timing. Have fun and enjoy the process. This will prepare you for the relationship once you are in it.
During this time I began to think about fun things like the color of the car and the many places I would go. I imagined how it would feel to have a car that was just right for me. It was about 18 months after I began my search that I saw it.
I was driving home from work, right past a small car dealer that I never paid much attention to. On this day, my attention was captured and I had no doubt I had found my car! When I went in to inquire I found out that though this was a car it actually was classified as a truck! It had a trucks capacity to carry cargo, which meant there was plenty of room for my camping gear not to mention the yard sale finds that thrilled me. It was affordable and wildly quirky. I was in love!
Then there was the catch. There often is. There was a backorder of at least six months! This was not in my dream, let me tell you. I must admit I was disappointed and excited. It was a whole, big emotional mix. This is often true in romantic relationships as well. There is always that moment when things don't go your way. Perhaps the other person has habits that you aren't wild about. Maybe they live far away or have other elements such as family, friends or work that is not what you expected.
Step 4: Listen to your heart. Here is perhaps the most important piece of this message on finding a good match. I had the criteria of what a good car match would be. I knew it not just intellectually but internally. In my heart. Then a miracle happened, as often is the case. Six weeks later the car salesmen called me with news that a buyer had changed his mind when his car arrived.
This car was even better than the one I had imagined for myself. I loved the color! It had options I wouldn't have splurged on, but since I had been saving I could now afford them. Most of all I had the feeling I had imagined having when I found a good match. It felt right.
Learning to trust my instincts and to know the feeling of what is right had served me well. I had that car for over 10 years which is at least the equivalent of a lifelong love in relationship years. I loved it every single day of those years. The joy it brought me was way beyond the metal and rubber it was composed of. In my car owning experience was woven the time and effort I had put into dreaming it up.
If you are looking for a good match, someone who is just right for you. I encourage you to follow these 5 steps !