Why is it that some people do these horrible things to each other and other people do not?
Domestic Violence and Child Abuse are usually in the media in one way or another. Maybe it’s time to reflect and reengage our thoughts about morals, ethics, who we are and who we want to be. I recently overheard an educated, successful person share with others, “it’s not like he was beating a woman, and he was just disciplining his child”. (This is when I get good practice with my deep breathing.)
There have also been different conversations in the media about ethnicity, demographics, and socioeconomic status playing a role in the normalcy of child abuse. None of those things actually matter much when we are talking about a child being physically harmed by an adult.
As abusive and traumatic as Domestic Violence is we are still talking about adults. Children have limited or no tools to help themselves in these situations, believe me. I have heard stories about how children have attempted to protect themselves which has only helped them to tolerate the abuse and has not stopped it.
I admit that I am a bit sensitive about this topic, mainly because I work to repair the damage that has been done to these children. I expect that everyone should be held accountable to the same laws that I am expected to follow and everyone else is expected to follow.
However, the issue is not about the laws, the issue is about parenting, compassion, self control, integrity (I define integrity as doing what you say you are going to do.) The law just tells abuser that if caught they could possibly have consequences.
What stops most people from abusing their children, beating their partner, killing, stealing, or other behaviors that I call “random acts of ugly” is your emotions and how treating others this way can cause you to feel guilt, sadness, remorse, etc. We don’t like that!
Others have moral barometers that are off and need an outsider to get them back on track. This could be the police, their friends, their family or my article right now, HA!
On a positive note…all these issues being brought to our attention through the media can cause change to occur.
When there is crisis, there is change, every time. We have the opportunity to do a little self reflection and reset our own moral barometer to be the best partner and parent that we would like to be.
Kary Valdes, LCSW
Adolescent and Child Psychotherapist
“I work with good kids and families when bad things happen.”
This article was originally published at www.ParentTalkWithKary.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.