Take charge of your own orgasm. You deserve it!
Ladies, it's time to take charge of your orgasm. Stop blaming your partner for not making it happen for you during sex.
Think of your body as a high-performance vehicle that you're placing in the hands of a novice driver — your lover — each time you have sex. He wants you to reach the big O, but he needs some help operating your vehicle.
Achieving an orgasm with your partner isn't a one-person responsibility. Your man wants to get optimal performance from your vehicle, but needs a little driver's education. You own a special-edition Porsche, but if you can't drive it, how can your man?
You're responsible for guiding him to becoming an expert driver, so follow these steps to reach the climactic finish line:
1. Become your vehicle's expert mechanic.
If you don't know what stimulates you, how can you expect your partner to figure it out? Do some self-discovery and masturbate. First, don't forget to lubricate your whole vaginal area; wetter is better. Using your fingers, try different tempos and pressure levels for reaching an orgasm.
2. Warm up your engines with foreplay.
Men are wired differently than women. They can turn on their ignition switches and be raring to go within a few minutes. As a woman, you need to be mentally and physically in the mood before your engine starts humming. So gradually slip out of work or mommy mode and into the sex goddess groove.
Start planning your evening by wearing sexy lingerie all day. Shift your mind into sex gear while cooking dinner by fantasizing about what he'll be doing to you later. Start a dialogue with flirty comments hours before the actual act. Text him a sexy picture or call him from another room and both your motors will begin to purr.
3. Remember that the clitoris is the engine.
Tell your partner that he needs to focus on your clitoris. There are many men out there who don't know its importance. Could a man ejaculate without his penis being touched? Of course not! The clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings, which is four times the amount of endings in the head of a penis.
If your man jumps into the driver's seat, puts the key into the ignition, and doesn't actually put the car into gear, that car isn't going anywhere. It's your responsibility to emphasize the importance of this essential car part.
4. Give him the complete owner's manual.
You're the mechanic here, so share the tricks of the trade with the driver. If you want a back massage, suggest it. If you'd like him to lick your clitoris, tell him. If he's applying too much pressure or going too fast, let him know. If sex toys or blindfolds increase your excitement, pull them out.
Don't be embarrassed to share fantasies or role-play. He won't know what turns you on unless you instruct him. Reinforce his actions by moaning and showing him the road signs when he's on the right path. If he doesn't stop and ask for directions, give him your personal GPS. If you fake an orgasm, he'll continue driving poorly in the future.
5. Enjoy the ride, but don't lay back and slip into cruise control.
Be an active participant. The average woman takes 20 to 40 minutes to achieve an orgasm. But if it takes too much time under the hood, your man may need jaw surgery. Your mind may drift outside the bedroom and you'll need to guide it back to a sexual place.
Rid yourself of inhibitions, touch yourself, and use toys while he's working his magic. When you're giving him oral sex, there's nothing wrong with guiding his fingers to your clitoris, breasts or anus. Don't be a back seat driver — jump into the front!