Older women love to party but not on St. Patrick's Day. Not to be a killjoy, but I don't like St. Patrick's Day. I have nothing against Ireland or it's people, it's just that I'm 55 years old, and it's not my cup of tea. I love rainbows, elves, and especially pots of gold, but that's about it. Don't get me wrong, I like to party with the best of them, but not on St. Patrick's Day and here are 10 reasons why:
- I don't like green beer! I don't like beer in general, and the green coloring makes it even more undesirable. I actually think green coloring makes the food or beverage look like it has some mold or algae growing on it. It reminds me of the "Slime" in "Ghostbusters." Basically green is not appetizing.
- I don't like (nor am I capable of) dancing an Irish jig. I've seen "Riverdance" and "Lord of the Dance" and I appreciate the precision it takes to get those moves down. I love to dance, and this is not my style. Granted I can't twerk like Miley Cyrus, but I can move to the beat of most genres of music.
- I don't like wearing green face paint. If I'm going out, it takes me at least 20 minutes to apply my makeup. Why would I want to cover my face in green goo unless it's an avocado/ cucumber facial mask to deep cleanse my pores? Additionally, walking around with a green face is not attractive unless you're starring in "Wicked."
- Green Men. I don't like drunk, obnoxious guys who are dressed in green, wearing goofy top hats, shouting, "Hey MILF or Cougar." This doesn't turn me on, in fact it's a major turn-off.
- I don't like Irish Pubs. They're usually loud and have a terrible wine selection. Yes they're way too rowdy for an older gal like me, but on St. Patrick's Day, they're also over-crowded and the likelyhood of beer spilling on me is very high. Take me to a piano bar, it's much more my style.
- I don't like looking like a leprechaun. I love dressing sexy and the idea of wearing a green hat and green suspenders doesn't fit the bill. Also, I love animal print and very few leopards are green.
- It's not a sexy day. I don't like this day because it's basically not a sexy holiday. Not every holiday is New Year's Eve (there's a lot of kissing at New Year's) or Valentine's Day, but this one is more about getting drunk than romance.
- I don't like corned beef and sauerkraut. It's not healthy and I don't eat red meat. The only green foods I eat are the leafy vegetables like Kale or some nice green broccoli. Thinking about the corned beef gives me indigestion.
- I don't like bagpipe music. The bagpipes are basically annoying and sound like a group of horny howling alley cats. It's sensory overload. I do like certain Irish musicians like U2, but bagpipes make me want to scream.
- I don't like guys in skirts. I like to see men look like men, enough said.
So, there are my 10 reasons for avoiding the St. Patty's day festivities. If you'd like to see a visual demonstration, watch this highly entertaining video.
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