Green beer = huge NOPE.
Women love to party, but not on St. Patrick's Day. Not to be a killjoy, but who even likes St. Patrick's Day anymore. We have nothing against Ireland or it's people, but we're not 21 anymore, we're grown-ass women! And let's be real, green beer lost its magical luster back in the college days.
For those of us who may still love rainbows (and would KILL for life-changing, job-quitting pot of gold), but wouldn't be caught dead at an overcrowded bar on St. Patrick's Day ... you'll relate.
1. Green beer is repulsive.
I don't like beer in general, and the green coloring makes it even more undesirable. I actually think green coloring makes the food or beverage look like it has some mold or algae growing on it. It reminds me of the Slime in Ghostbusters. Grown women do not drink green beer. Ever.
2. Never gonna dance an Irish jig.
I've seen "Riverdance" and "Lord of the Dance" and I appreciate the precision it takes to get those moves down. I love to dance, and this is not my style. Granted I can't twerk like Miley Cyrus, but I can move to the beat of most genres of music.
3. Green face paint just isn't going to happen, sorry.
Why would I want to cover my face in green goo unless it's an avocado cucumber face mask to deep cleanse my pores? Also, walking around in green face is not attractive unless you're starring in "Wicked."
4. Drunk men are the worst.
I don't like drunk, obnoxious guys dressed in green, sexist t-shirts, wearing goofy top hats, shouting, "Hey MILF or Cougar." This doesn't turn me on, in fact it's a major turn-off.
5. Irish Pubs are for amateaurs.
They're usually loud and have a terrible wine selection. Yes, they're way too rowdy for a grown-ass woman like me, but on St. Patrick's Day they're also over-crowded and smell like a bathroom. No thanks.
5. Looking like a leprechaun isn't a life goal.
The idea of wearing a green hat and green suspenders makes me want to vomit.
8. Bagpipe music is torture.
The bagpipes are annoying and sound like a group of horny howling alley cats. It's sensory overload. I do like certain Irish musicians like U2, but bagpipes make me want to scream.