New Year, New You ... Not Again!


New Year, New You ... Not Again!
It's January and the "New Year, New You" phrase is again well overused but will this year different?

The one trigger that is most common in the ripple effect is an emotional one. As you become stronger, those around you may feel emotionally challenged—which can lead them into an emotional crisis. Your relationship with these individuals can be affected both positively and negatively, especially in a partnership (marriage or otherwise).
If your pattern in the past was setting goals and not achieving them, then your partner has created his or her emotional response pattern to alleviate disappointment and frustration when you come up short in your goal achievements. Your partner has also created a communication pattern to outwardly be supporting you but inwardly adopting the mindset of "Yep, new year, new goal, and no new you … again."

As you begin to achieve your goals, your partner is challenged since he/she isn't sure how to handle the change; this challenge is what triggers that person's emotional crisis because your partner is caught off guard and not sure how to respond. On the one hand, your partner is your biggest cheerleader and is extremely proud of you; on the other, the partner is beginning to question his/her own self.


At this point your partner's inner voice will begin the chatter of "Whoa, what about me? Now that you are all this and made these changes, where do I fit in? I only know you as 'that,' and now you are 'this.' Hey, how come I can't do this or that? And what about me!!!" This inner dialogue can lead to frustration, increased stress level, breakdown in communication, and even resentment and anger—all of which are triggers to challenging your partnership and relationship.

So how do you continue with your new goal achievement pattern and success while not triggering the fear, resentment and frustration with the ones you love? Your solution is communication, communication, communication. You need to be consciously aware of how other people's behaviors, attitudes and interactions with you begin to change. To do that you need to be aware: consciously aware. As you begin to notice people pulling back, or if their communication styles take on a more passive-aggressive nature with you, recognize that these are cues for you to beef up your communication with them.

It is important to remember when sharing with your partner that you're not only telling that person how much you value him/her while also providing acknowledgment and reassurance. You must also maintain value for yourself and remember that this communication environment is a place of non-judgment. The triggers that may be happening for both of you may have roots that go back before your time together; as a result, more individual work will need to be done. Our reactions to other people are personal to us, and their reactions to us are personal to them; you cannot make it about you.

I thought it would be helpful to work through an exercise using the I.C.E.™ methodology with you regarding change and transition and allowing yourself to truly achieve goals this year while being consciously aware of others allowing them to feel empowered by your changes.

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