You, Him, and the Not-Quite-Ex-Wife


You, Him, and the Not-Quite-Ex-Wife
Dating a man who is not quite divorced? You could be in for a challenging time.

• He’s doing the very best he can right now (even if you’re SURE he could be doing better);
• This too shall pass!
• He did love this woman at one time, and the habitual attachment, no matter how painful and dysfunctional it may have been, is hard for a man to let go of at times;
• When a man feels like a failure, it is hard for him to behave powerfully;
• Remind yourself not to take it personally when he’s being an emotional wreck (if he’s even revealing that to you - he may just head into his “cave” and hide out)

And here are some things you may want to do, or do more of:


• Make sure when you two are together, you are having high-quality connection time (it will be different, depending on circumstances, of course, but consider these: physical connection, empathic listening, giving him ways to give to you that he can manage well, playing together in whatever way you do that, taking breaks from the intensity of what he’s going through, being together with no agenda);
• Spend time with good friends/your support system and do things you enjoy;
• Take exquisite care of yourself (all acts of self-love will help you remember you are worthy of love);
• Gently let him know if he’s doing things that are feeling hurtful to you (before you do that, check in with the “don’t take things personally” item first, and see if you still need to say something to him);
• Praise and acknowledge any and all things about him that you can…it will be like water to a man in the desert at this point.

In Conclusion

Choosing to be in a relationship with a man who’s not yet divorced is a challenging journey. It will call forth your very best qualities: being loving, patient, trusting, empathetic, vulnerable, honest, holding yourself in high regard, being able to be flexible, and being accepting of yourself and of him. Oh, and if you can keep your sense of humor, that is a big plus!


This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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