Affair Proofing Your Relationship, Part 2


Affair Proofing Your Relationship, Part 2
More tips on keeping your relationship safe from an affair!

Here are even more tips for preventing an affair in your relationship. 

Affair Proofing Tip #3: BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS and take care of your mental health


When human beings aren’t happy, we may start to develop dysfunctional ways of dealing with emotional pain. We may gamble, drink, do drugs, sit like sloths and play video games all day, start taking it out on family or coworkers, sleep more, or find other ways to distract ourselves from the pain. Alternatively and hopefully, of course, we might also exercise, journal, seek counseling, spend time with friends, do yoga, start a hobby, quit our jobs, etc. The problem with staying in emotional pain for too long is that it starts to do a lot of damage to our relationships. Yes, we married “for better or for worse” but nobody said the “worse” part was any fun or that it doesn’t do a lot of damage. When someone is unhappy, they are no fun to be around. Distance and loneliness seeps in for one or both partners and each become more susceptible to many dysfunctional things, including extramarital affairs. 


Let’s face it, marriage is hard enough without friends or acquaintances encouraging you to either cheat or not honor your spouse’s request. Friends who make fun of you for having to “call the wife” or want you to go to single bars “just to look” are probably friends that won’t stop you should you find yourself in a compromising situation. These are the friends that your wife or husband often complain about. Your spouse just may feel uncomfortable because s/he gets that sense that this friend or acquaintance isn’t supportive of the marriage and fidelity. 


Whether it’s a new friend from work, your bowling club or church group, you need to pay close attention to what’s happening with that relationship. Some people are just more at ease and have more friendships with members of the opposite sex. In this case, your spouse may already be more accustomed to you talking about your male or female friends and there may be no issue. Sometimes, though, friendships can start innocently and then end up in a dangerous place. We all like new friends and sharing other parts of ourselves. But you need to ask yourself the following questions to make sure that this “friendship” doesn’t slip into an emotional or physical affair. 

o Do you find yourself telling him or her more about your day or intimate secrets than you do your spouse? 
o Do you share intimate details or complaints about your marriage with this person?
o Would you be comfortable if your spouse walked in on your conversation with this person?
o Do you find yourself not wanting to share with your spouse how much you see or talk to this person?
o Are you aware of any sexual tension between you and this person?
o Do you find yourself fantasizing about this person? 
o Do you feel like you’re in love with this person? 

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Karen Holland


Karen Holland, LMFT Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Reinventing Relationships *Free 30 minute phone consultation* *Get free tools, tips & advice*

Location: Denver, CO
Credentials: LMFT, MA
Other Articles/News by Karen Holland:

Detox Your Relationship


I'm doing a three week detox and cleanse diet this month as punishment, I mean reward!, for going on a big sugar binge these last few months. I love the way my body is beginning to feel, once I got past the craving for chocolate cake and french fries! It got me thinking about how toxic our relationships can get. Is it time to detoxify your ... Read more

Ignore Your Relationship & Focus On Yourself


I know what you're thinking... Did she, the relationship coach, just tell me to ignore my relationship? Well, yes and no. Of course you need to pay attention to your relationship. You need to continuously feed it so it will grow and be well cared for. But, here's what I notice: Sometimes we can obsess and worry our relationships to death! Literally, ... Read more

Affair Proofing Your Relationship, Part 1


Want to protect your relationship from an affair? Follow these rules to greatly improve your chances. Affair Proofing Rule #1: STAY CLOSE and keep your relationship fun and fresh! One of the reasons people say they have affairs is they start to feel lonely in their marriages. They don’t feel valued, interesting or attractive to their partner. ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular