The Mysterious Female Orgasm

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The Mysterious Female Orgasm

Most of you are aware that orgasm doesn’t always come easily for a women. Women are more complicated than men, which is in no way meant to put men down. On the contrary, men have a gift of being able to focus, and in bed, it’s a real bonus. Women, on the other hand, are able to, and usually do, think about several things at once. We now know that women actually do think differently than men. They use both lobes more when thinking and problem solving. This may be one of the reasons men are better able to focus. Throughout history, women have been required to do many things at once–hold an infant, cook a meal, watch out for a three year old, and talk to girlfriends and grandmother. It was part of survival. Whereas the man, being the hunter, had to be pretty single minded. He could not admire the flowers along the path to finding dinner. The survival of his family and the tribe depended on his ability to bring home the protein. These attributes go to bed with us too. While a man is able to focus on sex, the woman is thinking of many things at once–can the kids hear, does he love me, he’s touching my fat, are my breasts large enough, do I smell good, is my hair or makeup mussed, am I sexy enough, when is this orgasm going to arrive? Most women will verify that, at least occasionally, this is what goes on in their heads in the middle of having sex. It’s not that she’s not interested, it’s just a habit from her daily life. On top of all that is the cultural stuff that’s laid on a little girl, which travels with her into her adulthood, causing some women to be inhibited in bed. If a woman’s ability to orgasm isn’t tweaked by all that, let’s then add the damage caused by the media: am I sexy enough; is my body perfect enough; am I worldly enough; and how can I compete with all those sexy women that stare out at me from every magazine, billboard, TV show and movie? When they show sex on screen, or in a novel, the couple barely gets started, the man makes some sexy moves and she goes into wild, uncontrollable orgasms. Not only do women begin to think they’re the only ones who can’t do it like that, the men think that’s the norm too, which adds more pressure on the woman who’s trying to live up to her “perceived” idea of what her partner expects. Yikes! The most important sex organ is the brain. When a man has any difficulty, almost always, it’s in his head. If he’s thinking about something, even sex, then trouble can arise. (Or maybe not. Pun intended.) For women, it’s no different, but it’s more difficult to turn off the thinking. These are just some of the things that get in the way of a woman being able to let go, relax and completely immerse herself in the experience of lovemaking. So, what can you do to improve your ability to orgasm? Well, first of all, focusing on the physical side of what will help you orgasm more easily is an important step. You must know what you like. What does it take for you to come to orgasm? The best way to know that is for you to masturbate. When a woman knows what she likes, communicating that to her partner is essential. This takes trust and a willingness to be vulnerable. If she let’s him know it’s difficult to talk about, it will help. Most men get turned on by their partner enjoying sex and especially when she orgasms. In my workshops and interviews I hear men say all the time, “We want to make you happy, just tell us what you want.” It’s a turn-on to talk about what you like. Do it over a candlelight dinner by telling him what you’d like him to do to you. He’ll probably ask for the check immediately. Another good time is while you’re cuddling in bed before or after lovemaking. During lovemaking, move his hand or body or mouth where you like it, tell him harder, softer, faster, slower. Believe me, he’s listening. From my heart to yours, Kara Oh
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