A woman wrote to me telling how much she liked my book, how it showed the mistakes she’d made with past relationships, including her now ex-husband, and how she liked doing for him. I got worried that she might have thought I was telling her she needed to be the dutiful little woman. No!…No!…No! That’s not it at all. Here’s the advice I gave her so she doesn’t blow it:
I enjoyed reading your email. Sounds like you’ve reconnected with your feminine energy. But you want him to treat you like a queen so don’t be docile, spoil or mother him. Everything you do for him should be in appreciation for what he does for you.
Examples: “Because you treat me so well, I’d like to cook dinner for you.” “You make me feel so beautiful. Can I give you a back rub as a thank you?” This way the romance won’t die. What almost always happens is when a woman feels secure in her new relationship, she starts doing for him. Cooking meals, making social plans, sometimes even buying him gifts. What man is going to say, “Hey, stop being so good to me, you’re taking my job away from me.” Of course he’s going to settle in and just let you do all those wonderful things. He gets lazy, you start wondering where the romance has gone, and he is clueless.
So, it’s okay to do for him, okay to even buy an gift occasionally, but always make it as a thank you or appreciation for what a great man he is for you, how he makes you feel, how well he takes care of you, how wonderfully he made love to you. This way, you don’t become a doormat, you keep encouraging him to do for you, he gets to feel like the man, etc. I hope this makes sense.
The moment you start nesting and doing wifely things or worse, treating him like a child, reminding him to do things, finding his keys, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry… he no longer has to work to keep you happy, which takes away one of his primary jobs as your man. So, when you do all those things, simply remind him how much you appreciate him, let him know how happy he makes you, how taken care you feel, how beautiful, sexy, etc. The last secret in Men Made Easy is: A man wants to be with a woman who makes him feel like a man.
So give him lots of opportunities to be your hero, appreciate the heck out of him, brag in front of him to his family and friends and he’ll be so happy that you’re his woman… because you make him feel like a man. Or when you want to do things for him, let him know it’s because he has been your hero. Then the masculine and feminine aspects of the dance of romance will continue.
The moment you become his mother, or cause him to get lazy because he doesn’t have to do anything to make you happy, the romance goes out the door.
Try it, it works.
From my heart to yours,
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