Wouldn't it be great if you had a kind of 'litmus test' to determine if what's going on is love, or something that sometimes can be a bit sinister.
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I've thought about this a lot over the years. Because I get so many requests for help that, even though they say, almost pleading, "But I love him," it's obvious to me that it's not love but some deficiency need trying to be met. And of course, that empty place can never be filled by someone else.
Let me say that another way. That deficiency need is about you, not him. There's an empty place within you that needs to be healed, and only you can do that. As they say, "It's an inside job."
So here's my Litmus Test For Love:
Answer 'yes' or 'no' to the following questions. Notice the very first response that comes to your mind first, and then notice if you find yourself wanting to edit your answer. Your gut will tell you the truth if you're willing to heed it's message.
These statements are what is required for love to grow:
- I look forward to seeing him again, even if it's been only a few hours.
- He makes me feel special.
- He treats me with respect.
- Our lovemaking is emotionally satisfying.
- My life is enhanced because he is with me.
- He lets me know my needs matter to him.
- I enjoy his company.
- I trust him.
- I respect him and admire him.
- I am proud to be with him.
- The people I care about are happy that I chose him.
- He encourages me to have my own interests and friends.
If you answered 'no' to even one of these questions, then you are in an unhealthy relationship, and I don't believe you can love someone who is not giving you all of those things.
If you don't believe me, turn each of the statements into the opposite (negative) version and see how they feel:
- I do not look forward to seeing him again.
- He makes me feel bad about myself.
- He treats me disrespectfully.
- Our lovemaking is not emotionally satisfying.
- My life is not enhanced because he is with me.
- It's clear my needs don't matter to him.
- I don't really enjoy his company.
- I don't trust him.
- I no not respect him or admire him.
- I am ashamed to be with him.
- The people I care about are not happy that I chose him.
- He discourages me from having my own interests and friends.
Answering yes to even one of the negative statements means you need to do some soul searching so you can discover why you are with this kind of man. Discovering that answer will help you find the right path to healing whatever is is missing or broken within you. If you would like to talk to me about this, you are welcome to do so.
Helping you make magic, everywhere you go,
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