Find out what the problem 'REALLY' is. Maybe you're just going about it in the wrong way.
Is your guy hard to manage? Does he not behave as he should? Does he seem to fight you on every thing you try to get him to do...or stop doing?
What if that's just the way he is? What do you do then?
First, you need to decide if he really is unmanageable. Here are three questions you need to ask, and the solutions below.
- Did he do those things when you were first getting to know him?
- Does he recognize he should change, but then never does?
- Does he simply ignore your requests to do things differently, or worse, tell you to 'f' off?
Here's what you need to know about each of those questions.
1) If he did those things when you were first getting to know him, then you pretty much don't have much of a case. There's a saying that fits in this case, "Let the buyer beware." He's not like an iPhone that you can improve with apps. No apps available for fixing men that I know of.
2) If he recognizes he should change--by either doing something or stop doing something--but never does, then you're not asking in the right way.
The way to ask is the following: Ask him if he has a minute, then tell him you need help with something. This is a hidden request for his superman to step forward.
Tell him that when he does (fill in the blank in a loving way) it makes you feel a bit distant from him and you much prefer to stay close. If he's into sex (not all men are) then you can add a little innuendo into that statement.
Then, ask him for suggestions for solving the problem. If he comes up with something that won't work for you, then lovingly tell him that's an idea, but there might be something that would work better. Eventually, if he loves you, wants to make you happy, and want's more sex, eventually he'll come up with something that works.
Finally, tell him that since this will be a new habit, like most of us, it's easy to fall back on the old habit. Together, come up with a fun way for you to remind him so you don't end up nagging.
By the way, don't ever use sex as a reward or punishment. But it's okay to be playful that he'll get MORE sex. If you rarely have sex, then that's a MUCH BIGGER problem.
3) If he just ignores your requests (as long as you haven't been nagging, mothering, or belittling--basically, being 'ugly') or worse, is rude to you, then you need to see if this is typical behavior on other fronts. If so, then you have some big issues that need to be addressed. Rude and disrespectful behavior have no room in a soul-satisfying relationship.
Helping you make magic, everywhere you go,
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