It’s natural in any long term relationship to find lulls in your libidos. There are a lot of possible factors: to busy, to tired, focus on work, stress at home, body image issues and sometimes our libidos go into hibernation for no discernible reason. Of course this is only a problem, well, if it’s a problem. It’s most difficult when one partner is feeling the lull and the other isn’t. Or perhaps you’re both feeling it and you’d like to figure out a way to connect anyway. Regardless it’s important to at least keep a small flame burning for your sexual selves, it’s a lot easier to keep a fire going than it is to start one from scratch. Here are some suggestions to keep that sexual connection.
- The moment your idea of ‘sex’ expands, the more your possibilities of enjoying ‘sex’ at whatever level will be the most pleasurable for you & your partner. Yes, the actual word sex tends to mean coitus or intercourse, but I’m talking about the concept of sex. There are a lot of expressions of our sexual and sensual selves without focus on the orgasm, and without the pressure of ‘going all the way’.
- Even if you can’t have a “full” sexual experience, it is still important to stay in physical contact with each other, otherwise a chasm can be created that takes a lot of bridge-building to get to the other side. The touch can be affectionate, sensual, to comfort as well as being overtly sexy. I’m talking skin to skin here people. Wrists and hands are easy access can if you go beyond hands as mere tools, to see them as a way to seduce each other, then some very sexy connections can be made through holding hands and purposefully being sensual with your hands, even in public.
- Snuggling is great, as long as it is clear for both partners what the intention is. If one partner is expecting the snuggle time to lead to sex time, and the other partner really just wants to be close without being sexual, there’s the strong possibility that it will end up disappointing for the both of you.
- Same thing with kissing. Soft sweet kisses or long passionate make-outs, if they can be appreciated without the expectation of going any further, then you can both relax and enjoy the experience without any pressure or concern.
It is likely that at some point that libido will come out of hiding, whether because of a trigger of life improvement or because the horniness just springs up (it’s been known to happen!) but no matter when or how it happens, remember to be gentle with each other. We are made of bodies, minds and souls and unfortunately, they’re not always in sync.
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But patience wins out in this case, because usually when the libido returns, the ‘lost’ time is made up for!