Ok, you've been texting this guy you met online for two weeks and feel he has potential. Heck, he could be 'The One' you recently told a friend over brunch. He likes traveling, you like traveling. He wants kids and everyone knows you want kids. You both prefer sunsets to sunrises. Things are matching up, right? Wrong. You don't know this person and those traits are just things he typed on a website. People pander for attention all the time and he may be none of those things. In reality, you've been dating your phone for two weeks.
Why haven't you gone on date No.1? Oh I know — you want to establish phone comfort to insure "He's not a serial killer". But what you're doing is killing the possibility of true chemistry by talking too much via device instead of through eye contact. Meet your online dates sooner than later; otherwise later you wonder why "The One" became a person you text for weeks, but saw for an hour. Also, a recent survey from Elite Singles shows 94% of women feel the man should ask for the first date — do it sooner than later.
In my book "Pray Your Kids Are Ugly" I discuss the two relationships with online dating: the virtual one (email, text) and then the physical. Just because you have great texting chemistry doesn't mean it will carry over in person, and too much texting will not manifest in person because you've already covered everything.
The personality discovery, quirks about someone's life, should be received through eye contact, not retina display. Chemistry is found in the small things, the playfulness of banter. If the small talk is covered through your phone then your anticipated first date might end up boring and awkward. "The date was actually anti-climatic. We had nothing to talk about after 45 minutes, but we text so well." That's because you covered it already. Ask your thumbs. They are sore for a reason.
Also, when you prolong an online date, you build expectations on physical appearance; how a person smiles, their posture, the way they walk, etc. We are attracted to the little things about someone, so find out. Remember everyone puts his or her best photos online. The longer we wait to meet in 3D the more we expect to meet their dating profile instead of the actual person. Not good.
Text to setup the first date, but don't make it the first date. If the person you are talking to makes excuses on why they can't meet, they are probably lying about their availability (could be married) or may not look like their photos. Call them out on it, "If you are truly single why are you procrastinating on meeting?" Some people are into games. Be in charge. Keep things moving if needed. Value your time.
We become more attractive to others when we show we are in charge of our lives, and this type of charge, fortunately, doesn't need a wall outlet. Put down the phone, meet in person, discover a person with your eyes and not your thumbs. Let the details blossom organically...the way it happened when your parents met.
Elite Singles has a nice infographic survey about first dates and you can view it here. Also, please check out my book “Pray Your Kids Are Ugly” as it discusses the affects of online dating on our society and the future of human interactions as a whole. Likewise I would love to stay in touch with you via Twitter, Facebook, or Google Plus.
More dating websites advice on YourTango:
- 7 Types Of Guys You Meet Through Online Dating Sites
- Is Love A Click Away? The Ultimate Guide To Online Dating Sites
- Boyfriend Hunt: How To Use Technology To Find Real Love